If I had Only Known..

 If I had known what I know now,..

If I could write a letter to that exhausted young mommy. I would tell her to just take that dang nap with them, that the laundry and dishes can wait.

If I could give her a heads up to not stress about how everyone was trying to tell you what was best. To just go with your mommy gut, that they would potty train easily enough. 

That that one fella would finally quit sucking his thumb. That the blankie would eventually not be needed and that unfortunately they would quit holding hands in public.

If I could let her know, that yes there would be trips to the emergency room because they are rowdy boys. But they would be fine, and have scars to tell and laugh at such crazy stories.

If I could let her know during those teen years, that those stinky teen boys would grow up into the best polite and respectful young men.. and eventually love showers. 

If I had known, that those years of getting all those duckies up every Sunday and taking them to church even when their dad was working so I had to do it alone. That it will set them up for a great foundation with Jesus. Whom they seek daily. Life changing momma, life changing..

If I could let that mommy know that even though her heart was so sad when she dropped them off at College 6 hours away, that they are going to be responsible and make some amazing life time friends and of course that great education to help them be successful in their lives.

If I could tell her that yes those 4 kids are gonna bicker and annoy each other like crazy, but when they all grow up they will cheer, encourage and love each other with all their beings.

If I could tell that momma that those years and years of praying over their future and their relationships. That they would be surrounded by not only great friendships, but they would find some amazing women to love them too. And whom they would love back. Healthy and happy relationships. Growing our beautiful family. 

Oh if I could tell that momma, that those boys who were her everything at such a young age.

The ones who grew up with her in this crazy life.

 That those boys.. yes those twin handsome and smart fellas, even though they are all grown.. are still gonna love their momma.

If I had known what I know now, that 26 years of being their momma, has been one of my greatest blessings and has brought me an abundance of love and joy. One proud momma..

Happy Birthday To My Twin Fellas.. 

Love Always

Your Momma

In Every Season, You are near...

 

Driving home from work the other day, jamming to my music.

 A song came on, and ugh it got me in my feels. The song starts off like this..

In every season, in every change, You are near

In every sorrow, You are my strength, You are near..

 The waterworks started to pour out.

Twenty five years, My Twin fellas turned 25 recently. I have had the privilege of being the momma of 4 precious babies the last 26 years. 

 I loved every minute of raising them babies. 

I went down memory lane, and just smiled at all the moments I got to experience with each of them in life. They were my world, my life literally revolved around them. Time has flown by so fast in the blink of an eye. 

But gosh, this new season has some moments of toughness, of so much change. And I find myself sitting and watching, excited and proud to see so many things that I had spent years and years praying for coming to pass. Yet, my heart aches as I realize I forgot to pray for myself and what I would be doing in this new season.

 You see, I had plans.. Perfect plans on how life would plan out.

But, life happens and those plans change. People change. 

The Good Lord has reminded me over and over that he is the one who has plans. He knows what is best for those grown babies.

He is the one who walked along beside us, and sometimes had to carry us thru some dark times. 

This last year, we as a family took a hit. It knocked a couple of us to our knees with a heavy blow. I will even admit, I may have limped along in my faith walk.

And even though I don’t have answers, I know my God is faithful.

I am holding onto Hope, that HE still has a plan.

I battled it out in prayer with and for one of those grown babies. I am so thankful, and excited for what the outcome will be.

Because I know that the God we serve is mighty and Faithful and heard our cries. 

I have said it before and I will say it again, if I have learned anything, it is how powerful a praying momma is.. Keep praying mommas, he hears those words, he sees those tears. They will not return void...

Also, I have been so excited and looking forward to the end of this year because again there were plans supposed to take place.

Those plans are what has gotten me thru the last 3 ½ years.

Like I was a long distance runner(I know quit laughing, I don’t run, but use your imagination) and I am running towards the finish line almost of breath...

And then someone came in and removed the finish line from me... (play dramatic music here) 

Even though I am still oh so very proud and excited for this little girl and all her accomplishments, I am having to fight back the tears daily (sometimes multiple time a day, it is so annoying) when I think about the fact that she wont be moving back home after all. This Momma misses her soooo much. 

So of course this momma is sad and grasping and looking for ways to cope..

What now, what am I supposed to do now.?

From My View… 

My grandbabies bring me so much joy, I do my best to support and attend all the things they love doing. I treasure my time with them, loving and spoiling them.

 My grown kids reach out to me and include me in their busy lives. They are living such good lives and thriving in their careers, educations and hobbies. And again I do my best to be there to support, cheer and pray them on in life. 

My hubby is a good, good man. He takes care of me, supports me, and loves me well. But his career is booming. The good Lord answered our many years of prayers and he is working for some amazing people who value him and invest in his career and education. But that includes lots of hours..

 

So, I find myself feeling like I am sitting behind this huge window. Filled with excitement, clapping, and cheering for all of them living their best lives. 

So stinking proud of them.

But.. wondering, what about me? I have been the head coach for 26 years and feel like I just got benched..😂

Again.. that song plays in my head..

I'm holding on to hope
I'm holding on to grace
I'm fully letting go
I'm surrendered to Your ways 

So here is me surrendering.. And I am excited and hopeful to see what HE has for me in this next season.. Maybe, it will include a puppy.. (spoiler alert)

Stay Tuned..

Dear Future Son In Law

 

Several years ago, I wrote a blog dedicated to my future daughter in laws..

 Just writing from my heart and all the many prayers I had prayed over my Twin Fellas future spouses..

Well… here we are… and all we have left to marry off is that baby girl of ours. I am not sure that I will ever be ready to let that one go. But I know that one day, it will happen. (insert ugly cry here)

You see, that little girl is something remarkable in my and her daddy’s eyes. Being the baby of the family came with some perks. I wont apologize for how loved (spoiled) she is though. 

But I will say some extra prayers for you.😇

Like I did for her siblings, I have prayed for her future spouse since she was a wee little one. 

I think as I watched my kids grow and get married or get into relationships, my prayers became more specific for my baby. Things that are so important to me. That I know in this Momma’s heart would bring me peace to know she is well loved and taken care of. 

Let me share my top 10 for you. 

1. Believe in and Love Jesus First. Jazzy was raised on Jesus and loves Jesus with her whole heart. She understands how important it is to raise a family on a firm foundation. Which includes finding a spirit filled church home, that will feed you both spiritually and support you and your family when hard times come. (bonus points if that church happens to be in Decatur)                       
2. Love and Support Her Unconditionally. Yes, I know she can be a stinker, but she has a heart of gold and will be a great wife to you. When she loves, she loves with all she has. So please encourage her and be patient with her in the good, the bad and the really ugly days. Never try and break her joyful spirit. Be Kind and Gentle, but you gotta Man up when she is being a brat. Trust me, she is worth it. And I know she will do the same for you.                                                                  
3. Be a Good Helper. She is an independent woman, and a control freak. She has been taught to cook, clean, mow the lawn, fix cars and build her own bench. Just because she can do it all, does not mean she should have to do it all alone. Even though I know she will try and do it all. When you see that she is exhausted and needs some help, step up and do it all too. Wash those dishes, fold that laundry, give those sweet babies a bath. I promise this will minister love to her heart.       
4. Love the Little People.. She gets this from her momma, she has always loved the little people. Especially her Nephews and Niece and the many adopted babies she has had the privilege to be a part of.. She wants lots of babies of her own. She knows how many and already has some names picked out. So before you even think about stealing her heart, please have a heart for lots of babies. And love them all well.                                                                                                                         
5. Show Up.. Don’t be a fuddy dud and not attend stuff with her. She wont get married to do life alone. Be there for all the events, particularly family stuff that we do. Be a good sport and join us for game nights and rock band and the many dinners we like to do. You may even find yourself having a great time, because we are pretty amazing to be around.                                                     
   
6. Have a Sense of Humor.. Jazzy is witty and funny. She loves to laugh and joke around. Being the baby of the family, she had to learn quickly to react with a good comebacks. I swear, when you make her laugh, you can see the joy beaming from her smile and eyes.                                      
7. Learn To Dance.. The way to her heart is on the dance floor. She loves to dance and when she finds a fella who can keep up with her and twirl her around on the dance floor, you will win in life.                                                                                                                                                      
8. Enjoy the Car Concerts.. My baby loves to sing. Especially in the car. Expect the music loud and her to belt out every word to every song she plays. And she actually is good at it. SO embrace it, she may even let you sing the duets with her.                                                                                 
9. Love Her Momma.. This is more for me than her. Jazzy and I have a close bond that is inseparable. I will be good to you, respect you and love you like my very own. But do the same to me.                                                                                                                                                      
10. Don’t Play Games.. If you have kept reading this, and still interested that speaks measures. The fact that she has given you the time of day is a big deal. She don’t play games, she is goal and career focused. So if you don’t have good intentions, please stay away. Because I know God has the right one for her.

Just Show Up!

 

Here it is, Sunday late at night after celebrating my Birthday all weekend. It was a fun filled weekend surrounded by my favorite people. They loved me so well and it is what my heart needed.

 My mind is racing now, because my baby goes back to college in the morning and will not be back home for a while. I have said it before and will say it again, it just does not get easier.

My sweetest hello and my hardest good-bye.

But I am so stinking proud of her.

 

So here I am, my forties sailing by quickly it seems. And with age comes lots of wisdom. (I hope)..

I think if I have learned anything in life so far. That one of the most important things you can do for yourself and the ones you do life with is “SHOW UP”.. And it is hard, I get it. Life is busy and it seems like there is always something going on. I have tried my best to teach my children, that your word is very important. When you say you are going to do something, then do it.

 Don’t cancel...

 Don’t back out...

Don’t let your anxiety get the best of you that you cancel at the last minute. 

Don’t let your laziness make you look bad. 

Because it will, it will make you look bad and it will hurt people. Even if that is not your intentions.

 Trust me, I would rather stay home and cuddle with my hubby on the couch and binge watch our shows. But, because we love people and cherish our relationships, we show up.

 And we are not perfect, we have missed some things. But we are living and learning. 

If I look back, I remember who all has been there...

I remember who was there for my kids B-days, games, graduations. 

I remember who attended my grandparents funerals, who sat with me in my darkest days.

 I realize who text and checks on me, who prays for me and loves me. 

I see who is cheering me on and clapping for me and my family. 

I have people who are back in my life, after seasons changed. And I am so excited about that.

So please oh please let this be an encouragement...

When you say you are going to go to something, Go! 

If you volunteer at church and say you are going to teach or serve, Go!

If your friend is having Bunco, or B-Day ,Coffee Courage, Baby shower, Wedding or a show because she is crafty, and you said you would attend. GO! 

If you made plans to go to the movies or to dinner, GO! 

Sit with them at the funerals, cook them a meal when they have surgery..

 Just be there.

You just don’t realize how we all need that support, you don’t realize how encouraging it is to see your people show up for you over and over again.

Now please hear my heart, I know that things come up. And no one is perfect. That life does happen.

If you are having any kind of symptoms, stay home. These days, what we thought was allergies or head cold can be the rona. So please stay home.

One of my best friends does not do large gatherings because she has a brand new grandbaby, I get it. I would do anything to protect my babies too.

Some family and friends have an autoimmune disease that can cause havoc if they are exposed to anything, so I get it.

But, with that…

 Let me also encourage you not to live in fear. Plead the blood of Jesus over you and your babies, do  not allow the fear mongers or social media to cause you to live in constant fear. Take care of your body, take your supplements and go out there and live life. Go to church and get your faith tank re-filled.

But please use common sense.

For me, I know that we will all be called to heaven one day. And no one knows when that will be. But I would rather live life to the fullest, celebrating my people, instead of staying home by myself living in fear and dying alone.

But that is me, and my personal opinion.

And I will be the first to admit that some days I miss it. But I never claimed to be perfect. 

I just wanna be known for how I love my people. I want people to say, Amanda loved me and she loved me well. I want to be a walking, talking, example of how to be like Jesus..

Grandma

 

Here it is 5:30 in the morning. 

And my mom just called me, waking me up from a good long sleep.

 A couple of weeks ago, I posted on Facebook and asked for prayers.

Many of my close friends from thru out the years reached out and checked on me.

 I appreciate that greatly.

I did not post to get attention or to be vague.

It was because my mom asked me to get people praying and because she was not ready to tell everyone what was going on.

You see, about 9 years ago we lost our Grandpa. And many of you were with our family along that journey.

Now, many of you know my grandma, and love her like your own.

That prayer was for my grandma.

Her health is declining and unfortunately going fast.

That is not a confession, or anything that shows our faith is weak.

She is tired and has missed my grandpa for years.

Her liver is failing her, and is causing all kinds of issues with her body.

 My prayer has been that she not suffer, she don’t deserve to experience any kind of pain.

But Today my prayer is that my mom makes it in time to say goodbye.

My mom needs that closure and I believe my grandma is waiting to see her and my little brother who is like a son to her.

As for me..

Last week, my grandma came to me in a dream. Like she was sitting on my bed talking to me.

This is what she said..

Mija, I am so tired and I miss your grandpa so much. I am sorry and I love you. Please take care of your mom for me.

This dream brought me peace.

 

So, if you remember me in your prayers today. Please lift my mom and dad, both of my brothers and our families up. Pray for my uncles and their wives too.

Pray peace and comfort over my family. And for my grandma to hold on just a little longer, and when it is time that she goes peacefully.

 To be with Jesus and the love her life..

Those Twin Fellas Of Mine

 

So apparently, last week sometime I missed the opportunity to celebrate and brag on my fellas for National Sons Day.

They sent me some sarcastic messages and gave me a hard time. And even though I know they were kidding, I kind of felt bad that I missed it.

You see, these twin fellas of mine hold a very special place in my heart. When so many young mommas would of bailed out and “Taken Care” of getting pg so young. This young momma told the doctor that was not an option for me. Never even crossed my mind. I grew up with these guys, I have been there for every exciting accomplishment that they achieved. And trust me, there have been many (Toot Toot).

I am a proud momma, and so thankful they have been and continue to be so good to me.

We are in a different season now. As year 24 approaches us this month. Time is flying by so quickly for us. So any opportunity I get to celebrate and brag on them, I will take.

My Aaron a home owner, who volunteers his time as a coach for his niece’s basketball team and volunteers at church in the children’s ministry. He is kind and thoughtful, very responsible and successful in his Acct career. He loves his momma and he always makes sure that I know this. I am very thankful and blessed to call him my Son.

And then there is my Cameron, who is in a different season than his brother. But still oh so good to me. He calls me thru out the week just to check on me and takes me to lunch or meets me for dinner when he knows his dad is traveling.. He is dating a sweet girl who he spends his time with. It makes this momma’s heart so happy to see him get to experience young true love like that. And they include us for dinner double dates on occasion.  I am so excited for what the future holds for him. I love to see him thrive in life, in his career and every other area. He is so good to his siblings and always willing to help them out when needed. Double blessed in the son department for sure. 

I am told by many how blessed I am, and I don’t take that for granted.

I am thankful to see my many prayers answered, and to watch my beautiful grown babies living in the blessing.. For this is what this Momma has prayed for..

Happy Late National Sons Day!

Dearest 2020...

Dearest 2020.. 

Here we are 5 months into the year, and I am having mixed emotions about you..

But.. I won’t complain too much, because the good outweighs the bad for me and mine..

First of all I don’t like being told to stay home, but I have sucked it up and did it for a bit. We really miss church and our friends and my Prims Class. I cannot wait to be able to hug and see everyone in person again. 

But, we are doing our part to stay healthy and safe.

Atleast we got some things done around the house that we are pretty proud of.  Cleaning and clearing out things and building a nice patio to enjoy. Making the best of this situation.

I do feel bad for how many people were impacted with this Covid crap. Especially the Seniors in high school. Our close friends who have seniors are struggling with missing out on so much for their Seniors. My heart aches for them. Shout out to Sydney, Emma and Bazz, we are so proud of you all and pray many blessings over you and your future.

For us personally I have to give a big shout out to our Jazz. She was away at college living her best life in her cute little dorm with all her friends. Working as a pre- school teacher at her daycare. The mommy in me wanted to call her up and demand she come home right away, and trust me I almost did. The news had me a bit paranoid at first. But, I gave it to God. Just prayed protection over her and that she would have wisdom on what to do. Just 2 weeks in, I got the call that she felt it was time to come home. One week later after she was home, the college ended up going online and closing the dorms. As much as I LOVE having her home, I know how tough it was to move back home and do classes like Anatomy online. There were some tears, and a bit of anxiety but my baby girl finished her semester strong and on the Dean’s list again. We are so proud of her, but I know she is counting the days to when she can move back into her peaceful dorm surrounded by all her friends. To love on those little kids who love to facetime her and let her know how much they miss her., and how they are going peepee in the potty. 

And I am counting down to how many days before the ugly cry happens again. Because it just don’t get easier when the babe leaves her momma behind..

(insert big sigh here)

Trav and I are very thankful that our jobs were not impacted by Covid, I even had the privilege to work from home a couple days a week. Our Twin fellas also got to work from home and keep their jobs. We know how blessed we are for that, and we give God all the glory.

We are also excited that Our Ci announced that our family is growing. We will get to meet our newest little blessing in November, and if you know me you know I am giddy with excitement. Yall pray for our CI, she is going to have her hands full come November. But she is a great mommy, and we are so proud and excited for her little family. 

So in a matter of about 7 months, there will be a baby sprinkle, Jazzy moving back to college, my fellas moving into their new place, baby birth, and a big ole empty nest for us.

Have I mentioned how thankful we are for these two? They are our pride and joy, and we enjoy Friday Sleepovers each week. They melt this Nana Heart and they may know they can have whatever they want.. Loved not spoiled.. They make our soon to be empty nest more doable. Thank you to Ci and VJ for sharing with us. 

Here we are Living in The Blessing, please remind me of that when this momma heart is missing all my babies..

Mother's Day