Make It Fit...

Little People are just precious in my eyes.. They are still learning each day, and the way their minds think are just brilliant.. The other day a couple of the toddlers combined two different puzzles together.. SO one of them was trying to put a hippo where the rain boots needed to go. He turned it and smashed it and flipped it and was getting frustrated because he could not get it to fit. I kept trying to explain to him that it was the wrong puzzle and showing him that it belonged on this board. And he looked at me like I was strange and clueless and just kept trying again to force it to fit. So I started putting all the pieces together in the other puzzle so he could see that his piece is what I needed to complete it. Once he saw that he had the piece I needed he ran to me and put his hippo in, and we clapped our hands and said YEAH you did it!

I honestly think we as adults do this in our daily life.. We try to make certain things and people fit in our lives where they don’t belong. God is showing us he has something better for us. But we just constantly twist and flip and shove and make excuses as to why we don’t want to let things go. Convincing ourselves that they do fit, they just have to.  But when you are spending so much time defending yourself and convincing other people of your actions, than its time to let go and let God. It should not be so hard to be happy and to have people in your life who love you, all of you.. Just stop, listen, pray and you will see the Big Plan he has for you. And the feeling of peace will overtake the hurt and life will be back on track for you.. You can be nice and kind to everyone, because that is what we are told to be, but pick your close relationships carefully..

 Living and Learning.. Just Saying..

Ephesians 4: ²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Note To My Friends...

It’s kind of crazy and messed up.. 

How we allow lies from the pit of hell try to come in and steal our joy..
 Over the last couple of months. 

Thoughts come to mind, things like..

" I am not good enough" 

" I will fail" 

"No one cares" 

" Life would be better if you are not around"

 ”Why do you even bother”

With much prayer time.. I know I am in a battle with my own thoughts.
 And I have to learn to shut them out.. To be still.. To know he is still God and is still in control.  To know how much HE loves me, and how HE thinks so highly of me.

Than 2 wks ago I started having horrible nightmares. I wake up in tears and have to calm myself down. I again have had to learn to just pray and thank God for protecting me and mine. Until the feelings pass. 

By this time I am sure you are thinking what I am, I mean come on, someone go ahead and admit me. This crap gets old.. But I refuse to get back on anxiety meds. I have to move forward.

So I have really stayed to myself.  It’s how I handle and deal with these things lately. Than last wk, three different people on three different  days text me to ask if I was mad at them. So next lie came to mind.. "you are a horrible friend and don't deserve good friendships".  So in reply to those texts and to all my lovely friends..
Right now, at this time in my life I am just content with my friends who  want to be part of my life and want me in their lives.,  That they know I am a text, phone call or email away.  That I will reply right away, almost always unless I  don’t get your text because of my lovely cell phone service.  I will pray for you on the spot, I will go to dinner or movies when invited..  I will listen and only respond if you want a response.
I will celebrate life with you when times are great,  and I will cry with you when life sucks.  I will cheer you on when you feel like giving up.  I will stand by you and with you for during all those times.  I will do my part. I may not be the one to send the first text every single day.
But that is all I can promise. That’s all I can devote.  I am in a new season in life.  I am sitting back, slowing down, and just enjoying one day at a time. My babies are growing up..  My marriage is thriving..  My hubby has become my one true best friend.  And that makes my heart happy. SO please don't take it personal.  This is just me.

Reminder...

It’s been an interesting couple of wks in this crazy thing we call life.

We “I” get so caught up in the daily things like work, kids, bills, fb, getting ready for a new school year. And I allow things, silly things to control my thoughts and attitude. Yes, I know it’s wrong, and that I should stay focused. I know that I should have control over my thoughts and how I act and react to certain things. Just sometimes I get tired of all the BS.. But last wk we got a reality check in our little home. Trav had not been feeling well. And I am a nag about him not taking care of himself. And I asked him to go to dr. He of course was like, “I am fine” but come Monday morning he called into work. If ya know my hubby he never misses work. And It concerned me, so I again suggested “nagged” him about going to dr. He finally gave in and went. We find out that he showed signs of having a heat stroke. We are not gonna lie. This scared the crap out of us. He took a couple of days off to rest and recover per dr’s orders. We watched him carefully. Probably annoyed the crap out of him. And during that time, I allowed the enemy to come in and mess with my thoughts. I started questioning why this was allowed to happen to him. I wanted to reach out to someone, anyone who could answer my questions or just listen. But I honestly at the time felt like I was alone. Like I had no one to tell.  And let me tell you, that is a horrible place to be. I had to keep myself together for my kids and show no fear. I surely did not want to vent to my hubby about it. Although he could tell something was wrong. I was kind of upset at God for even allowing this to happen. And so I just let it stir and stir and I got angrier each day, and by Wednesday I was laid up in bed with a full blown migraine. I was in tears, and I just let it all out. I had a good talking to God, I reminded him because I thought maybe he forgot how good my husband is. How giving he is, and how he jumps to help anyone in need. How he works his butt off to provide for us.  I reminded him that we serve in areas, and we even do it on days we really don’t feel like it. I continued to cry and pout and then I turned on my music.. It was His turn to remind me of his goodness. Song after song it talked about his love for me. I was reminded of all the things my husband and I have conquered because of him. I was reminded how my children have been protected because of him. How we have all we need and many extras because He is the one who has provided for us.. How he has never left my side, that I have never been alone.  And if anything this heat stroke was a way of getting Trav’s attention to stop and slow down and enjoy the life that we have right now. It was a message for me to stay focused. To turn off all the distractions and focus on what really matters in life. I know it was the enemy trying to kill, steal and destroy my precious family. Lie after lie, but he failed. And we are stronger for this. Now Trav is fine, we are thanking God for no permanent damage. We found out a medication he takes is probably what caused  his body to react to the severe Texas heat. So he is on the road to recovery. 

So I am sharing this song called "Forever" by Kari Jobe

"

The moon and stars they wept
The morning sun was dead
The Saviour of the world was fallen
His body on the cross
His blood poured out for us
The weight of every curse upon him

One final breath he gave
As heaven looked away
The son of God was laid in darkness
A battle in the grave
The war on death was waged
The power of hell forever broken

The ground began to shake
The stone was rolled away
his perfect love could not be overcome
Now death where is your sting?
Our resurrected King
Has rendered you defeated

Forever he is glorified
Forever he is lifted high
Forever he is risen
He is alive, He is alive!

The ground began to shake
The stone was rolled away
his perfect love could not be overcome
Now death where is your sting?
Our resurrected King
Has rendered you defeated

Forever he is glorified
Forever he is lifted high
Forever he is risen
He is alive, He is alive!

We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
The Lamb has overcome

Forever he is glorified
Forever he is lifted high
Forever he is risen
He is alive, He is alive!

You have overcome
You have overcome
You have overcome
You have overcome

Oh Young Love..

During my FB Fast this wk, I have had time to do a little blogging..

I may have mentioned that my Twins are Seniors this year. We are getting ready for Senior Pics and looking for pictures for the baby ad page for year book.

I am having to come up with some kind of message to put with these pictures, so needless to say I have been a bit of a boob bag. How does a mom choose which pictures from the last 17 years, they are all my favorites. Sigh..

AS our summer is coming to an end it has been quite enjoyable and we have experienced some technical difficulties.

It was no secret if you followed us on FB that my son had a girlfriend. Well after some decisions that came to an end. Of course I could be hateful and blast my blog and other social media outlets about my thoughts on how hurt my baby boy was. It was his first young love.  But I told my son not to respond to it on social media and just let is play out. And I was proud of him for doing as I asked. So of course I have to follow the same rules. But honestly I have nothing bad to say. Why, because I still love and care for her. She was a big great part of our family for almost 2 years. I have pictures that I will not delete. I have memories of some good times. And yeah Jazzy and I have actually shed some tears because we miss having her around. 

But I am proud of my son for choosing to be a teen. And not getting so serious so fast.

I have found that many young teens are in such a rush to get so serious, when I have tried to show  my kids they have plenty of time for all that. But now is the time to chase their dreams, and to set goals and reach those goals. Yes I was very young when I got so serious. And yes we are still together. But there have been many tears and heartaches to stay together. The odds were stacked against us. But we came out swinging. And I don’t want that for my children.

Yes I don’t like to see the young ones so heart broken. But I promise each of yall “This too shall Pass” and who knows what the future holds.

Just enjoy life right now, you have plenty of time for all the other stuff. Like AFTER college. heehee 

My Trav..

18 years ago..

Trav and I started watching a TV series that Jazz and Ci have been watching.. 

One of the characters who is really hot by the way, is seeing an older man. And she got jealous very easily over some silly things and started to cause a scene.

 I am sitting there watching and I start to giggle because that was me not too long ago. Because of the age difference we have and because of my lack of confidence and knowledge of dating that I have, I have put my husband thru so much crap. Silly crap. Because I was insecure.. I mean really silly crap that no one should have to deal with.

Thru out the last 18 years of our marriage, I have had people plant seed in my head which added to my fears. Whether it was the Sappy Romance novels I read, TV shows I watched or people in my life who had bad experiences with marriage. And unfortunately I let it grow and grow and believed it.

 But, no matter the fits I threw. No matter my fears and childish ways.. My bad attitude or choices that I made. He never failed me. Over and over he had to reassure me that his love is real. That I am the one and only for him. Thru my thin to my thickness, he stood by me. Never put me down. Each time I wanted to quit, he refused. He encouraged me and lifted me up and supported me. He fought for both of us at times, taught me that what we have was worth fighting for.

Today I can say that our marriage is stronger than it has ever been.

 I see him and US thru a different perspective. 

I appreciate him and understand him so much more..

And oh how I thank God for that, for HIM..

In the nursery I had the privilege in talking with one of my dear friend's Susie McKinney. A faithful woman full of joy, love and knowledge. We talked about our children and relationships and she said that any two people can get married. But it takes an act of God and working together to stay married.

Today I find myself praying stronger for my children.

I pray they find their very own “Travis”.. 

Summer 2014..

Most nights when I lay in bed I start thinking about different topics for my blog. I swear one day I am going to keep a pen and paper by my bed so I can write those things down, because once I wake up I cannot remember those topics, and there were some really good ones too! I think..

So unfortunately I have nothing brilliant to share with you all.

But here just a quick update on life..

Jazz and Kear in Georgetown

Summer is going, nothing exciting after our trip to Georgetown. Our fellas went to a basketball camp and we decided it being their Senior year to go up and watch the last couple of days. SO we loaded up the blue beast and Trav, me, Jazz and Kear enjoyed the drive there. We watched lots and lots of games for two days. They played against bigger schools, and because our posts were at 7 on 7 games we got beat, but not badly. So needless to say, I am super excited about our basketball season this year, I think it’s going to be a group of talented young men.

My Life Time Friend Paula

I got to join my sweet and amazing life time friends Paula and Mike for a dinner before Paula left me to go to Missouri again. Met both of these people when I started working at my job 11 years ago, and even though we have not worked at the same place we have kept a strong friendship over the years. And I have to say I am Thankful that God brought those people in my life and love them both to the moon and back. I miss my Paula but I am so happy for her what God is doing in her life..

All American Cheerleaders

My Jazz had cheer camp already, and if you follow me on FB you know she got All American Cheerleader, which means she gets to go be in the parade in Houston on Thanksgiving. We are so proud of her hard work, and I look forward to watching her cheer this year,. AND already praying her bases do not drop her this year! Congrats to all the young ladies who made All American this year!

And now for my final thoughts.. I know some people think I am silly.. 

But I am in denial about all this Senior stuff. I am excited, really I am. I look forward to my itty bitty boys to go to college and to go out in the real world and experience life, and see all that God has in store for them.

How I will always see my Boys

But gah!! Every time this momma thinks about them leaving, them not being here at home with me. Them making me laugh, the talks we have over dinner. Just the joy their presence brings me each day.  I start tearing up. And my stomach gets kind of nauseated. It’s really ridiculous. And I know this already. But someone please tell my heart and mind to get over it!

Cam and Aaron ready for Senior Year

So all that to warn you, if and when you ask or have asked me if it’s the boys senior year, or if I am going to miss them. Just know there will be tears.. 

And by this time next year, there will be the ugly cry. 

You know the one with snot and all that fun stuff. 

Mommy Instinct or Fear

At the age of 18, after having twin babies I was forced to get a driver’s license.  I did not want to drive.. I have the greatest fear of car accidents.. 

I dreaded my kids getting behind the wheel. 

Never myself have I had an accident.  (knock on wood)

When it was time to teach Ciera to drive, Travis started it, but his way of teaching was not good for her or him, so I had to do it. Since she has started driving she has hit a couple of deer, rear ended a car, and got hit by a drunk driver. Those phone calls will forever be in my head, and my heart skips a beat each time I think of the phone calls.  So needless to say, I was not eager to get my boys their license like all their friends when they turned 16. I made my points about being responsible first. When one of the boys showed more interest in getting started we did all the paperwork and started the process. With me being around the kids more I started teaching him to drive. I was very proud of how safe he was, how he paid attention to detail, and little by little he did more and more driving. I was strict, probably too strict about who he drove, where he drove, and what time he drove. But I just listen to my mommy instinct (Holy Spirit) and went with it.

But, I started to doubt that I was mixing up my fear with the mommy instinct, and would talk myself out of stuff. And on the wkend that I did not listen to my mommy instinct and thought I was just being fearful I got the dreaded phone call that he wrecked his car. This momma freaked out, and we could not get to him fast enough. His little car was totaled. If you see it you would think it is still drive-able, but he literally ripped the bottom of his car off. When you see where he went off the road, and hit a tree and then a little bit ahead you see the big embankment that he could have gone down, it makes me vomit in my mouth a little. BUT, Not one scratch on his body..

I know God was there, I know he was being watched, I know it could have been worse. I am oh so thankful for answered prayers..

Than the next wk my baby ended up in the ER because she could not breathe very well, they gave her so many medicines and breathing treatments, and after 6 hours of non- stop coughing we were laid up in the bed, and she was crying, and I was crying from exhaustion and seeing my baby miserable. And I told her that God hears our cries and our prayers and he would answer us. 15 minutes later we were released..

I hate to admit I spent a few days wallowing in self pity,I was mad, confused and I struggled in my faith walk because my babies were being attacked. 

 And besides my momma and dad, and a couple of friends, I felt like no one reached out to us. Here we are with lots of family, friends and part of a church home, and besides fb post, not one call to us that said hey we are thinking of you, are you ok, do you need anything, nothing.. sigh

I blame social media.

We all peek into each other’s lives, and leave comments and we feel we did our deed.

I am over myself now. My kids are all healthy and enjoying their summer. I am over my crud and back at work. And if anything I am going to be better at reaching out. I am going to quit relying on fb to check on my family and friends. I feel this is what I can take from my May Experience. 

I don't have life all figured out, and I know I want to be better in all areas. But one thing for sure is I am going to listen to my mommy instinct.