A few months ago, I was
worrying so much that it was making me sick.
Literally sick.
I was having
horrible nightmares each night that I spent most of my day in tears as I
thought of every possible scenario that could happen to my Twins when they left
for college.
When I would pour my heart
out on fb or to my friends, family, I was met with strange looks and people
telling me to basically get over it.
Because I am not the first
mom to send her children away to college.
But for me personally it was
really giving me severe anxiety. I did not want to get back on my Anxiety meds,
I wanted to push thru and feel normal again. I wanted to trust in God like I
have been doing all this time.
But apparently I thought that
his protection ends when my kids go off to college.! (umm no)
The ladies at my church were
invited to this Women’s Conference. I was able to attend and I loved how they
ministered to my heart and soul. On just the things that women struggle with
daily. At the end of the meetings they held prayer. My precious pastor’s wife
turned around and asked me if I needed to go up for prayer. Of course I wanted
to, just did not want to go up there alone. So she literally took my hand and
walked up there with me. While we waited for my turn, Karin put her arm around
me and just started praying. She was being sensitive to the holy spirit and
everything that came out of her mouth was what I was struggling with.
From
fear, to feeling alone, my failures, to what people thought of me, to my
marriage and the friendships I had lost and wanted back so badly.
After her
sweet prayers I felt this big sense of peace come over me like I had never
experience before.
By the time it was my turn for prayer and I told the guest
speaker what I was struggling with, I was already at peace. But when she told
me that now more than ever my twins needed me, she caught my attention. She
said there was no time to be in fear about them. That now more than ever I
needed to stand in faith for them.
That hit me hard right in the face.
I went home
that night with a lot to think and pray about.
I have had many conversations
with God, about the plans he has for them. I have prayed over my twins and the
choices they will make once they leave the nest. I have prayed over the
friendships that will be made and the professors they will have. I have thanked
God already for putting this plan together for them, and how he will be there
every step of the way. And of course for their protection over them wherever
they go.
Ever since that day, the
peace that I have over me concerning them leaving me has been precious.
Does not mean the tears have
stopped though. My tears are for my sadness because I will miss them like
crazy. I will miss having a house full of teens. Will miss the way they make me
laugh. I will even miss hearing them fight with Jasmine.
And I am reminded how fast
high school went for the twins and how even though my Jazzy is starting her
freshman year it won’t be long till she is going away to college.
It makes me think of my own
momma and how she must of struggled when we left her house. Although I felt she
was thrilled to have peace and quiet after we all left.
My Twins will be 6 ½ hours
away from me. With the freedom I now have on my wkends I plan to visit them on
occasion. And Trav said I get to go to some of their cross country meets. I
look forward to that new season in my life. I know that God is going to watch
over them, and provide for us financially so that they can go to college there
all 4 years.
Now I share this with yall,
because I know several mommas out there that are struggling with their babies
leaving. I know you are wondering what in the world you are going to do without
them. I know your heart aches because you have spent the last 18 years chasing
and supporting everything they have done.
So I am praying for you.
I am praying
that peace overtakes you right now.
That even though we will miss them like
crazy, we will be ok.
That our hearts are healed.
That we can sleep each night
with no worrying over them.
I pray that in the upcoming
months you find friendships that have been neglected.
And that your marriages
thrive more than ever.
That we find this new season is the best one yet..
Now, I know a little special
someone who leaves for AFRICA for a year this coming wkend.
I am going to have
a sad 18 year old fella as he says goodbye to his sweet girlfriend. I admire
and look up to her momma, and so I ask that yall agree with us in prayer for
this person and her precious momma and family. That she has safe travels, and
has the time of her life. And that she comes back in a year with lots to share.
We are super proud of you Sarah. You will be missed greatly!
