The struggle is real folks..
I probably share too much. But this is how I process this mind and heart of
mine..
Its kind of funny when you
have spent so much time praying for things to happen, and then they do happen
and you are sitting there one day thinking “What about me?”
I don’t like to sound
selfish. But I had a moment this week where I was struggling badly.. And I
think it is only fair for me to share my bad times as well as my good times.
In
hopes that someone reading this and feels this way, knows they are not alone.
Trav went to Training this wk
in Indiana. We were dreading him leaving.
Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I was
doing great. Jazz and I went to dinners, did some shopping.
We missed him, but
we were enjoying our alone time together.
Wednesday morning came and I woke up
with this thick bout of sadness that overcame me. I had a horrible headache, I
was nauseous and dizzy and just emotional all day long. I was missing all 3 of
my fellas. I was supposed to start a bible study with my friends in Decatur and
take Jasmine to youth group. No morning workout, no challenges on my fitbit.. I
literally let this “feeling” rule me and I stayed in bed all evening.
At one point I decided a nice
hot bath would help my head. So I got in the tub and just felt miserable.
So I started to pray. I felt
so defeated, so something told me to think of the positive things in my life.
I started to thank God for
the stuff he has been doing..
Thank you God for the
opportunity for my husband to be able to travel and learn and thrive for his
job and career..
Thank you God that he don’t
have to travel all the time anymore, and that he don’t work crappy hours, that
we get to see him every single night.
Thank you God that the twins
are away at college getting an education so they can Thrive in big people jobs.
Thank you God that Ci is in
Cancun celebrating her birthday and thriving in her life.
Thank you God that Jazz is so
independent and will thrive in high school and will turn off the sounds of the
haters and be confident in who she is in you.
And then my emotions were all
over the place, my selfish thoughts came back on me.
What about me?!
We all have the person in our
lives, that when we see them we want to dodge them or don’t make eye contact.
Because its always all about them, if you had a bad day, their day was worse.
If your kid scored two points, there kid scored 10. I would like to think that
I am a good friend and listener, and love to hear about my friends day, but
love to talk about mine too. I think there has always been a healthy round of
talking and listening in my life with my friends.
So these feelings and what I am struggling
with is new to me. I don’t like the way it feels.
I am struggling because I
feel I have no place. I am not thriving in life anymore.
And frankly, it just
sucks. This is not me..
I have to change that! I need
to put myself out there again. I need to make new friends, and be a good friend
to the ones who are in my life. I need to find new hobbies. I need to reach out
to people who are hurting. I need to take the focus off myself.
So I am praying about where
to start..
And it seems that the
messages I have heard all last month were on Kindness, and Love, and
Forgiveness.. Not being angry, irritated, harsh or easily angered.
So I am re-evaluating my
heart.. I am correcting areas that need adjustments. And I am reaching out to
my readers.
Soooo….
I am going to have a party at
my place. I am going to make dinner. And I am going to invite whoever would
like to join us. It will be a group of ladies, who just want get away for a
bit.
Where we can talk and laugh
and just enjoy each other’s company. And just love on each other, and where we
are in life right now.
Its going to be a “My
favorite thing” party.. I am thinking October 2nd around 6ish.
That’s my first wkend with no home football games, and no early morning cross
country.
I
will create an invite on fb, but if you would like to join, send me a message
or text and let me know so I can add you to it. I am already excited about this..
Thanks again for reading my crazy thoughts.
