In Every Season, You are near...

 

Driving home from work the other day, jamming to my music.

 A song came on, and ugh it got me in my feels. The song starts off like this..

In every season, in every change, You are near

In every sorrow, You are my strength, You are near..

 The waterworks started to pour out.

Twenty five years, My Twin fellas turned 25 recently. I have had the privilege of being the momma of 4 precious babies the last 26 years. 

 I loved every minute of raising them babies. 

I went down memory lane, and just smiled at all the moments I got to experience with each of them in life. They were my world, my life literally revolved around them. Time has flown by so fast in the blink of an eye. 

But gosh, this new season has some moments of toughness, of so much change. And I find myself sitting and watching, excited and proud to see so many things that I had spent years and years praying for coming to pass. Yet, my heart aches as I realize I forgot to pray for myself and what I would be doing in this new season.

 You see, I had plans.. Perfect plans on how life would plan out.

But, life happens and those plans change. People change. 

The Good Lord has reminded me over and over that he is the one who has plans. He knows what is best for those grown babies.

He is the one who walked along beside us, and sometimes had to carry us thru some dark times. 

This last year, we as a family took a hit. It knocked a couple of us to our knees with a heavy blow. I will even admit, I may have limped along in my faith walk.

And even though I don’t have answers, I know my God is faithful.

I am holding onto Hope, that HE still has a plan.

I battled it out in prayer with and for one of those grown babies. I am so thankful, and excited for what the outcome will be.

Because I know that the God we serve is mighty and Faithful and heard our cries. 

I have said it before and I will say it again, if I have learned anything, it is how powerful a praying momma is.. Keep praying mommas, he hears those words, he sees those tears. They will not return void...

Also, I have been so excited and looking forward to the end of this year because again there were plans supposed to take place.

Those plans are what has gotten me thru the last 3 ½ years.

Like I was a long distance runner(I know quit laughing, I don’t run, but use your imagination) and I am running towards the finish line almost of breath...

And then someone came in and removed the finish line from me... (play dramatic music here) 

Even though I am still oh so very proud and excited for this little girl and all her accomplishments, I am having to fight back the tears daily (sometimes multiple time a day, it is so annoying) when I think about the fact that she wont be moving back home after all. This Momma misses her soooo much. 

So of course this momma is sad and grasping and looking for ways to cope..

What now, what am I supposed to do now.?

From My View… 

My grandbabies bring me so much joy, I do my best to support and attend all the things they love doing. I treasure my time with them, loving and spoiling them.

 My grown kids reach out to me and include me in their busy lives. They are living such good lives and thriving in their careers, educations and hobbies. And again I do my best to be there to support, cheer and pray them on in life. 

My hubby is a good, good man. He takes care of me, supports me, and loves me well. But his career is booming. The good Lord answered our many years of prayers and he is working for some amazing people who value him and invest in his career and education. But that includes lots of hours..

 

So, I find myself feeling like I am sitting behind this huge window. Filled with excitement, clapping, and cheering for all of them living their best lives. 

So stinking proud of them.

But.. wondering, what about me? I have been the head coach for 26 years and feel like I just got benched..😂

Again.. that song plays in my head..

I'm holding on to hope
I'm holding on to grace
I'm fully letting go
I'm surrendered to Your ways 

So here is me surrendering.. And I am excited and hopeful to see what HE has for me in this next season.. Maybe, it will include a puppy.. (spoiler alert)

Stay Tuned..