Mommy Instinct or Fear

At the age of 18, after having twin babies I was forced to get a driver’s license.  I did not want to drive.. I have the greatest fear of car accidents.. 

I dreaded my kids getting behind the wheel. 

Never myself have I had an accident.  (knock on wood)

When it was time to teach Ciera to drive, Travis started it, but his way of teaching was not good for her or him, so I had to do it. Since she has started driving she has hit a couple of deer, rear ended a car, and got hit by a drunk driver. Those phone calls will forever be in my head, and my heart skips a beat each time I think of the phone calls.  So needless to say, I was not eager to get my boys their license like all their friends when they turned 16. I made my points about being responsible first. When one of the boys showed more interest in getting started we did all the paperwork and started the process. With me being around the kids more I started teaching him to drive. I was very proud of how safe he was, how he paid attention to detail, and little by little he did more and more driving. I was strict, probably too strict about who he drove, where he drove, and what time he drove. But I just listen to my mommy instinct (Holy Spirit) and went with it.

But, I started to doubt that I was mixing up my fear with the mommy instinct, and would talk myself out of stuff. And on the wkend that I did not listen to my mommy instinct and thought I was just being fearful I got the dreaded phone call that he wrecked his car. This momma freaked out, and we could not get to him fast enough. His little car was totaled. If you see it you would think it is still drive-able, but he literally ripped the bottom of his car off. When you see where he went off the road, and hit a tree and then a little bit ahead you see the big embankment that he could have gone down, it makes me vomit in my mouth a little. BUT, Not one scratch on his body..

I know God was there, I know he was being watched, I know it could have been worse. I am oh so thankful for answered prayers..

Than the next wk my baby ended up in the ER because she could not breathe very well, they gave her so many medicines and breathing treatments, and after 6 hours of non- stop coughing we were laid up in the bed, and she was crying, and I was crying from exhaustion and seeing my baby miserable. And I told her that God hears our cries and our prayers and he would answer us. 15 minutes later we were released..

I hate to admit I spent a few days wallowing in self pity,I was mad, confused and I struggled in my faith walk because my babies were being attacked. 

 And besides my momma and dad, and a couple of friends, I felt like no one reached out to us. Here we are with lots of family, friends and part of a church home, and besides fb post, not one call to us that said hey we are thinking of you, are you ok, do you need anything, nothing.. sigh

I blame social media.

We all peek into each other’s lives, and leave comments and we feel we did our deed.

I am over myself now. My kids are all healthy and enjoying their summer. I am over my crud and back at work. And if anything I am going to be better at reaching out. I am going to quit relying on fb to check on my family and friends. I feel this is what I can take from my May Experience. 

I don't have life all figured out, and I know I want to be better in all areas. But one thing for sure is I am going to listen to my mommy instinct.