That " Long Confusing Rambling" Post

Bare with me as I process and share my own thoughts..

Daily life keeps us moving and grooving.

Thru out the day I randomly check my social media. At the end of the day when I am winding down I scroll thru to see how my people are doing.

Last Week FB gave me tired head.

My emotions were up and down as I read thru some post.

People are hurting and they all react differently.

I saw hateful post.

I saw where people went back and forth at each other for all to see.

I saw where people were posting pics that should not be shared. "Ewe"

I saw prayer request.

I saw your normal daily life post..

Thankfully I saw a couple of encouraging post.

I finally logged off with a heavy heart.

SIGH...

I wish I had the answer to help everyone.

I wish I was a better friend.

I do have great intentions..

I have a great desire to reach out and be more social, to love the broken.

But I have to admit I have found myself enjoying the comfort of my bubble in my own home.

People are just too mean and wishy washy.

 I do not and should not have to guess what your intentions are.

But we say one thing and do something completely different.

Personally for me, I am my own biggest critic and enemy.

 I do my best to match my actions with my words.

But I fail daily. I never claim to be perfect. 

We have to realize though, that everyone is different. And how you handle life is not how others do it.

How you handle your anxiety, depression and fears is not for everyone. And yes we all struggle. 

But it don’t make what others do as wrong either. 

“Unless of course you are turning to illegal drugs and alcohol to numb your pain”

For me I have found that when I have the focus on myself. 

When I have the “Me Me Me” Mentality, is when I feel the saddest and totally down in the pit of depression.

When we are constantly thinking of ourselves, and how we feel, and how someone made us feel and why someone has nothing to do with us or why we feel so alone etc.. Or guessing how someone feels about us. It brings me great anxiety. 

But yet we don’t make the effort to reach out to others who we know are hurting.

When I have mentally  judged and prosecuted what people think of me on my own, and they have no clue.

I feel that communication could save so much heartache. 

If people have a problem with you and go to everyone but you to discuss it, than it causes more harm to you than good.

I have had people whom have vented to me about someone who hurt them, and then I see them on FB being all lovey dovey with that person.

It makes me question what they say about me behind my back.

But then I have to remind myself how someone feels and thinks and says about me is none of my business.

I can only control how I act and react towards those people.

If us Ladies would spend more time being there for each other, encouraging each other, and I mean actually doing something like picking up that phone, sending a text or anything to reach out to the ones we say we care about and love.  I feel so many could handle life much easier than we do now.

But again, I see why we don’t.

We have been judged and rejected too many times that it still is tender to put ourselves out there.

Someone I love dearly who I admire had an incident a while back. 

There was some talk, and she wanted to avoid drama so she went to that person and asked “hey I was told you said this about me, I was hoping we could move pass all that and stay friends” That person although should be given credit for being honest, replied with “I am sorry, I just don’t like you. I have tried but I just don’t like you and I don’t know why”

Now let me tell you my friend laughed it off. She was like “Oh well, I tried”.

If this had been me, I would of cried myself to sleep that day and woken up with a migraine the next day. I cannot even process that kind of a response.

And we wonder why we have so many who are depressed and becoming unsocial.

Again people are just cruel. And I wish I could figure a way to help.

But it starts at home people. And with Jesus. Lots and lots of Sweet Jesus..

Last but not least.. 

Here lately I have been told the story over and over, so there must be a reason.

But it is about Moses and him holding the staff “rod” up during a battle, and his friends Aaron and Hur saw that he was getting tired and his arms would start to fall so they rushed to him and held his arms up to support him.

 And it just speaks measures.. 

Who are your Aaron and Hur? Who are your they? 

Do they know how much you appreciate them?

If we see our "Loved Ones" and our “Friends” struggling with life. 

We should want to run to them and help them. We should take the focus off ourselves and help them.

And it won’t take long to realize, that helping others makes you feel so much better. 

Wow! If we could all have that mentality. What a difference this world would be.

But I guess I would need to leave my bubble long enough.

Maybe tomorrow I will do better.?

Celebrating This Next Season..

Kind of funny really when we as grown adults, question what God is doing in your life, when we should really know better that he always has something wonderful planned.

Being a momma at the young age of 17, I knew no other life really. Trav worked nights and traveled a lot for work, so My kids were my everything, daily routines is what I thrived off of. It was a pure joy on most days to be a momma to my four kiddos. Supporting them on the side lines on whatever sport or activity they played.

 It is what Trav and I took great pleasure in doing and still do in all these years.

So I will admit although not proud of it, that early this year when my baby girl got her license and started working and taking summer college class and was never home much anymore. It made this momma a bit sad. 
You see her and I were attached at the hip.. It has been that way for 16 years now. 

And my Twins were off at College and loving it by the way.

Our oldest was happily living on her own working and doing her thing. 

This momma may have fallen into a deep pit of sadness. I did not feel “needed” anymore.

Let's be honest here.. My husband really deserves a medal of some sort. He was always so patient and understanding and went out of his way to love on me and spend time with me.

Of course We are so thankful that he has a regular job now and is home with me every night.

But my heart ached knowing that “That Season” of raising kids was gone.

BUT.. Little did I know that there was a new season forming..

Few months ago our Ciera moved back home, and with her she brought us a little precious gift growing in her tummy.

Our Penelope Grace will be here in November.

She is now engaged and because of that soon to be marriage we will “officially” have Presley as part of our family too!

But wait! There is more…

Trav grew a step son from a past relationship, and that son (yes we don’t use that step word in our family) has come back into our lives. Of course we welcomed him and his lovely wife with open arms. The bonus of that relationship is that they have a little girl named Lillee who is now a part of our family..

 AND they found out they are expecting another girl who they are naming Amanda Maria.. Coming in December..

So, if you know me than you know I am jumping up and down with excitement and my heart is full.

Four Grandgirls in a year! Whoohoo!!

AS you can imagine Auntie Jazzy and I are thrilled and we may have even gotten t-shirts made. 

Even though We may have been having a little fun playing the part the last 3 years. 

So The Hammetts are growing and we are excited about this new season. So I am warning you! 
Be prepared for the many pictures coming soon!

For these precious babies, this Nana has prayed. 

That "We were not meant to Journey Alone" and other things Post..

My head and heart are all over the place lately..

I have to admit that 2017 has not been too kind. 

My pants can tell ya that I have been eating my stress in chocolate, tacos and cokes.

Just when things were going smoothly, life came in and punched me smack in the face and took off running.

If you know me and my organized world, you know I am struggling to figure things out. Even though some may think I am over reacting about all the changes, I feel like my little world was shaken a bit. 

But, I have tried to keep my focus on the good things, because I know there is always good in life.

And concentrating on Toxic thoughts does nothing good for me.

So the good things in life is what I will share.. 

Notice key word “Good", if you look hard enough, you will see the Good also. 

We celebrated Jazz’s Sweet 16, we went all out and she was surrounded by many who love her. We appreciate each of you for being there, especially since we lost half the invites and Christmas cards so we don’t know who got what exactly. 

We were able to surprise her with a car also, and she was so excited about that. She got to run her first track me of the year, and it made my heart so happy to see her injury free for the first time of her sophomore year. 

She is taking a Senior college course and kicking butt in all her grades. She just finished performing with her One Act Play Dearly Departed.

 It was a lot of fun to see her on that stage doing her thing. She took her driver’s test and passed it. And now driving all over the place.  This chick is so much fun, and growing too fast for my liking.

Our Twin Fellas are doing amazing and thriving in college. They both were nominated by their College Professors, but Cam was actually selected to attend Higher Education thing held at the State Capital of Oklahoma to represent his school. 

It’s a pretty big deal of course. They are both student Aids to their English Professor and are both in the top of their Acct class. Aaron still works for the radio station on campus and for the Theatre dept. 

They are both going out of their way to cover the College Tuition, and that makes us so proud.

Trav and I always do what we can to support them, and we make a deal with them that as long as they are making the grades to keep the Academic scholarship, and running to keep the Athletic scholarship, and not acting like wild party animals, than we will take care of the rest of their needs. 

Investing in their education for a great career is something all parents should want to do. They are basically half way done, and we look forward to see them be successful in life.

Our Ci is a hard working woman and even though she got annoyed with me for bragging about this, I am going to do it anyways. She is getting to model clothes for her place of employment. You can see her on their Instagram, and we are pretty tickled by it even though it’s not a big deal. Lol She works a lot of hours so we don’t get to see or hear from her as much as we would like, and it’s weird not having her within 15 minutes of our house.

So when she shows up at our casa when the boys are home its always a pleasure.

This being a parent to adult children is so over rated.. (insert eye roll here)  
But, we love having our house full. As some days it is way too quiet. 

So you can imagine my excitement during Spring Break to have all my babies home.

Not Spring Break, but only Picture I have of them together

I am having to adjust to this new season in my life.

 Kind of sitting back and re-evaluating what is important to me, and causes me anxiety.  

With all this new free time I have with Jazz driving herself, I am spending more time on me.

 Just in time for the new weight loss challenge that we started. This time though I did not join Trav’s team, instead I am on my dad’s team. So far we have stayed in 3^rd place, and we are very proud of that.

It seems that 2017 is the year of changes in almost every area of my life, and if you know me I don’t do change very well.

Yes, I know it means I have the opportunity to grow, but I enjoy having routine. 

But evidently I am not being asked what I like. Lol

I can see that God is really working on my heart too. 

Opening doors for new relationships, and being ok when people we love don’t feel the same about us.

Even though I cannot imagine why people don’t wanna hang with the Hammetts.?! 

I am having to accept when people say “no” and I am having to learn that I can say NO too, and not feel guilty about it.

Most importantly, we are learning that it is not ok to keep to ourselves, that we were created to have relationships. To have people over and to just love on people. 

To make an effort to reach out to people just to see how they are doing. 

So we are pretty excited about that.

Hopefully we will have many bar-b-ques in our very near future. 

Or enjoying lots of Mexican food with friends. (on our cheat days of course)

Because we were not made to do this journey alone. 

So reach outside your front door. Open your eyes to people who are trying to be a part of your life. Especially on those days you don't feel like it, or down in the dumps. Take your focus off yourself and love on somebody else. 

You may be shocked to notice that you may actually enjoy others company. 

That Sweet 16 Birthday Post...

After Our Miscarriage almost 17 years ago, Trav and I wanted to try again for another baby. 

Our Rainbow Baby.

If I am being honest here, I wanted another boy. (Don't Tell Jazz) Atleast I thought that's what I wanted. But God knew better..

Being a momma to my twin boys had been so easy that I thought another baby boy would be perfect. Trav wanted another girl though, and it seems that Trav always got what he wanted.. lol 

When we found out we were having a baby girl, we were both pretty excited. After all this meant more shoe buying! 

Our little girl was so excited to meet us that she tried to come when I was 5 months pg. 

It happen to be the day that my work place was giving me a surprise baby shower. 

That should have been my first clue that our baby girl was going to change our world. 

After almost 2 1/2 months of bed rest, and getting Toxemia and Emergency C-Section she came 3 weeks early weighing in at a whopping 8 pounds. 

We fell madly in love with her the first time I held her.

It’s really unreal to me that this little girl is turning 16 years old today. 

I am not sure how this was allowed to happen. 

You see, God knew exactly what my heart and life needed and would need as I grew up and dealt with hard times and heartache in this crazy world. 

Jazzy has been my Sunshine from day one. That is “our” song still to this day. I could calm her, rock her to sleep and make her smile by just singing that song to her.

If you know Jasmine, than you know her beautiful smile and kind heart. 

From the time she started walking, she has been a go getter and has kept me busy.

 She has a heart to serve people, and to love people. But only our household knows how feisty she can get when you piss her off. She gets that mean streak from her daddy of course.

The last 16 years with this chick has been so much fun. 

There have been many giggles, snuggles and maybe a few warning looks to tone the teenager tude down. She has grown into such a beautiful young woman, and even though my heart is a bit sad to not have an itty bitty girl anymore, I am also so excited to see her conquer this cruel world.

Dear My Precious Jasmine, 

You my girl are going big places and going to do Amazing things in your life. 

Don’t ever let anyone steal or break your Spirit.

You are my and your daddy’s pride and joy, and WE thank God for you each day. 

But Please Go easy on your momma though, with all that getting your “driver’s license talk” and “going to college talk”.

 Let me enjoy you in my safety bubble just a little bit longer.

On your 16^th Birthday I want to  show my love and appreciation and to annoy you with my long lists of why I am Thankful for you..

Soooo...

Thank you for always checking on me, and taking care of me when I am down or sick.

Thank you for being the best Shopping Buddy and My El Paseo Buddy.

Thank you for being the best snuggle bunny while your dad worked those horrible night hours.

Thank you for Loving Jesus, and loving to sing and praise him with me.

Thank you for being my little clean freak and keeping your room so spotless since the age of 3.

Thank you for singing with me in the car, and letting me have the girl parts in the duos we sing.

Thank you for being my Tenderhearted child.

Thank you for allowing me to dorm with you when WE go away to college. (haha)

Thank you for playing softball since you were 4 years old until your Freshman year even though I had to force you that one time.

Thank you for being my girly girl and yet being tough as nails to hold your own against those siblings of yours.

Thank you for being a great best friend to Taylor so that we get to have many laughs on Family game nights.

Thank you for your brutal honesty when I ask if something does not look good on me and for acting like my momma and blending in my make up when I do a not so good job.

Thank you for many deep car talks, and for confiding in me during those tough times.

Thank you for staying away from those “yucky boys” and not making me deal with that drama just yet.

Thank you for keeping a good heart and loving people, even though being a teenage girl these days in high school can be pretty hard.

Thank you for laughing and being patient with your older siblings and all your adopted big brothers (your twin brothers squad) when they tend to be a little over protective of you.

Thank you for loving the little people like me and enjoying babysitting and working in the church nurseries with me.

Thank you for being a planner and list maker and staying organized.

Thank you for being my texting buddy even though your room is just next to mine. 

Most of all.. Thank you for being My Jasmine Victoria, My Sugar Bear, My Sunshine..

Happy Sweet 16 Baby Girl.. 

Love Always

Your Momma

Another Guest Blogger

This momma is blown away that my children have the heart to share their true feelings and thoughts. Our oldest daughter felt lead to share after her little brother blogged this week. This is more personal, and I pray you have the heart to read this and not judge. And if anything keep her in your prayers.

                 You Deserve Happiness

                      By Ciera  

I'm not really one to make my life super public on social media, or to the world in general. I don't particularly like people knowing my dirty laundry and I certainly don't want people to know the negative bits and pieces of my life. That's not to say that I put on this fake persona, because believe me I've never been a fake person, but I do happen to leave out the embarrassing (I consider embarrassing) parts of my life. 

Today though, I'm letting y'all in on one of my dirty little secrets....  

For nearly 3 years I was in a physically abusive relationship. 

Not the kind where you go crazy on your man and start punching him in the face so he holds you down. 

No. 

A real abusive relationship. 

First let me make it clear that this man is not my most recent ex. 

This relationship was nearly 3 years ago and I'm just now speaking out about it. 

Why? Because I was embarrassed. Ashamed even. So disgusted with myself because I am a strong, independent badass woman and I never saw myself being in that situation. I was humiliated that I ever was. 

Was I right to feel that way? Absolutely not, but because I did I pushed all my loved ones away to the point that no one knew what was going on.

So instead of getting help, I just let it fester and get worse and worse for nearly 3 years. I'd hide my bruises from my parents and siblings with makeup and long sleeves. There are so many days that I'd call in to work because my ribs or my back would be so bruised I could barely move. 

But nobody knew any of that. 

Every time I tried to get out, he'd pull me back in. Literally. By my hair.

 I was told that he'd kill me, or he'd kill him self or he was going to kill my family. 

Looking back now, I feel completely stupid for believing he would do any of those things but when you're in that situation for so long you become so scared of that person that you believe they'll do anything. 

I eventually became his little robot and just sat there and looked pretty. It was never enough for him though, and I felt so alone. I thought to myself "this is your life now.

 Just do what he wants and you'll be fine" 

I wouldn't be fine though and I knew that. 

So one night after he had gotten wasted, we had the worst fight we'd ever had. 

I call it a fight because this time I fought back. I'd had enough and if he was going to throw punches so was I. He broke my phone so I couldn't call for help, threw my keys in the yard so I couldn't leave. He threw me, pushed me, and hit me. 

But I kept getting back up. I found my keys, drove around till I found a cop, and I took matters into my own hands. 

Please just imagine being my parents and getting that phone call at 3 am.

 Anyways, as you can imagine I pressed charges and put his a$$ in jail. 

Finally I was out... but mentally I wasn't.  

I'm still to this day fixing what he broke. 

He took my peace from me. 

He took my trust, my happiness, my tenderness. 

I couldn't function as a normal long term girlfriend to an amazing man bc I had been destroyed by another.

 I have put my family and loved ones through Hell because of that relationship. 

He made me mean. He made me hard... I have had to work through a lot of pride and a lot of emotions these last few years and I am finally at a good place with myself. I'm finally happy with myself and who I am as a person. 

I'm writing this not for anyone to feel sorry for me. 

I don't want sympathy, no need for it.

 I'm writing this because I know there is someone out there who will read this and it will give them the courage to leave. It will give them the power to stand up and walk away. 

If you're going through a similar situation I want you to know that you are not alone. 

You have people who love you and care about you and who will help you through this.

 You deserve the best, we all do. 

Please don't ever let anyone destroy who you are. Those people are toxic, you can't save them. 

Do not and I repeat DO NOT EVER let anyone steal your peace and your love for others. Find a friend, a family member. Hell find me! But most importantly find God. He will save your life, he will renew your peace and your happiness and you WILL find love. True love. And when you do find it, don't ruin it because another person made you feel like you don't deserve it. You do. 100 percent you do. 

Guest Blogger Time...

This momma was thrilled when my son emailed and asked if he could be a Guest Blogger.
This is some good stuff, and it is an honor to allow him to share his true heart..
 So fellow Blog Readers..
Enjoy...

Genuine and Creative Prayer

By Aaron

            I guess how I want to start off this blog is by explaining how I got to this point…. 

So, I was sitting in the shower and I was just sitting there thinking about how I can’t wait get home and celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. Then I laughed out loud (mind you I was sitting in the public shower alone laughing) as I remembered my favorite part of Thanksgiving is when my grandpa prays right before we all eat. You may be thinking, “wow this guy is kind of a jerk,” but before you judge me let me tell you why it’s funny. It’s funny because he prays as fast as Usain Bolt runs the 100-meter dash. What I’m saying is that if someone who wasn’t part of the family was there he/she would think that we were running an auction in the place. 

So, after I finished laughing, God spoke to me and asked me “what is funny about a man who is praying?” I kind of just awkwardly sat there and basically reevaluated my entire existence. Why was I laughing at a man who was genuinely praying to God; not caring about what others thought of his prayer. Then I thought “when was the last time I genuinely prayed?” I’m not talking about before I go to bed or before every meal, which if I’m completely honest I don’t do all the time as I should. I’m talking about a prayer one prays straight up because they want to. 

Like for example, I spend a lot of time playing video games (like an ungodly amount of time) what if I chose (important word is “chose”) to stop and just start spilling the beans to the lord. I am talking about a prayer that has no real order to it but has your whole heart put into it. I feel like these are the prayers that can change the world. Don’t think that I am saying all other type of prayers are irrelevant. 

Here is what I am saying, we have to stop praying to God as if it is a chore we do every single day at a specific time with specific words. At some point after doing that for a while it seems very robotic, and a far as I know God doesn’t want robots programmed to pray at 6:00 PM everyday right before they eat their hamburger helper. He wants human beings who pray genuine and creative prayers. Now some of you may tell me, “Listen dude, I don’t have a creative bone in my body.” Well to you I say that’s a load of crap! The Bible says that the lord created us all in his image. 

Now, that means we have all the qualities that God has, right? That’s exactly what that means!! 

So, if God the guy who created the whole universe with his very words says that we have the same qualities as him, I can say without a doubt in my mind that you are creative! 

This world needs people who will pray creative and genuine prayers straight from their heart. 

We need to be the Picassos and Van Goghs of prayers.

So, everything I just said there went through my mind as I sat still in the shower then I CHOSE to pray a prayer that was so genuine I felt as if God was sitting with me in that shower (I know… weird to say but this is my experience not yours). When I finished praying I finally understood what it is like for rappers to finish a concert. I was exhausted and couldn’t think of anything else to say. I can honestly say I put everything into that prayer it was the most genuine prayer I have ever prayed. I definitely plan on praying like this a lot more and I am excited to what adventures this takes me on. I hope that whoever reads this will learn from my spiritual shower time and change the way they pray.

Watch Your Mouth...

Hola Blog Followers.. 

Thank you for taking time out of your day to read the randomness that goes on in this crazy head of mine. 

I know I am not a professional writer..

 I know that I may misspell words or put them in the wrong context. 

But I love to blog and share and I appreciate each of you expressing your thoughts and encouraging me thru out life’s journey…

Which brings me to this blog topic.. 

We always hear different people talking about how all it takes is one time, or one person to begin to make a difference.

 I had been dealing with something and finally had a “Ah Ha” moment..

 Let me share..

A couple of weeks ago, after I blogged, I was feeling really down. I was struggling with my emotions and trying to grasp and understand why certain things happen.

 I was quite upset or shall I say frustrated with a certain person, whom I do love with all my heart.

One of my friends and blog follower, messaged me and was being very kind and just checking on me. I really appreciated her doing this. Her sweet friendship too.

 So I thought, I could share my heart and started to vent and explain why I was hurting..

She stopped me right away.

Totally caught me off guard.

She said, I am sorry you are hurting, but I love (insert person name here) and I won’t believe one word you say about her. How can I pray for you..?

Oh gosh, I was stunned.

I did not know what to say.

I thought about it all day and just kept shaking my head.

It stuck with me for a couple of weeks.

 After much praying. I finally think I understand why it has stuck with me..

Don’t get me wrong,  I think it is ok to vent. I think it is good to have people you can trust and who can be a good listener. Who listen and then pray with you. To help you see both sides..

But what that friend did, ministered to my heart.

It made me desire that kind of devotion.

That when someone is venting about me, that someone will say “Wait, Stop.. I love Amanda and I am sorry you are hurting, but I won’t believe one bad word you say about her”

Wow..

Can you imagine how much of a difference that would make in this crazy world.?

 I desire that, that even when I have screwed up, that someone would stop the gossip. 

That because I have been good to people, because my relationships matter, because people know my true heart..

That it makes a huge impact in a person’s life that they stop the negative in its tracks.

 Don’t you? All it takes is one person..

SO thank you to that person, for ministering to my heart in a way that I have not seen before. For helping me to see beyond myself.

To help me see that even when I am frustrated and hurting.. I need to match my talking with my prayers.. 

Living, Loving and Learning..