Another Guest Blogger

This momma is blown away that my children have the heart to share their true feelings and thoughts. Our oldest daughter felt lead to share after her little brother blogged this week. This is more personal, and I pray you have the heart to read this and not judge. And if anything keep her in your prayers.

                 You Deserve Happiness

                      By Ciera  

I'm not really one to make my life super public on social media, or to the world in general. I don't particularly like people knowing my dirty laundry and I certainly don't want people to know the negative bits and pieces of my life. That's not to say that I put on this fake persona, because believe me I've never been a fake person, but I do happen to leave out the embarrassing (I consider embarrassing) parts of my life. 

Today though, I'm letting y'all in on one of my dirty little secrets....  

For nearly 3 years I was in a physically abusive relationship. 

Not the kind where you go crazy on your man and start punching him in the face so he holds you down. 

No. 

A real abusive relationship. 

First let me make it clear that this man is not my most recent ex. 

This relationship was nearly 3 years ago and I'm just now speaking out about it. 

Why? Because I was embarrassed. Ashamed even. So disgusted with myself because I am a strong, independent badass woman and I never saw myself being in that situation. I was humiliated that I ever was. 

Was I right to feel that way? Absolutely not, but because I did I pushed all my loved ones away to the point that no one knew what was going on.

So instead of getting help, I just let it fester and get worse and worse for nearly 3 years. I'd hide my bruises from my parents and siblings with makeup and long sleeves. There are so many days that I'd call in to work because my ribs or my back would be so bruised I could barely move. 

But nobody knew any of that. 

Every time I tried to get out, he'd pull me back in. Literally. By my hair.

 I was told that he'd kill me, or he'd kill him self or he was going to kill my family. 

Looking back now, I feel completely stupid for believing he would do any of those things but when you're in that situation for so long you become so scared of that person that you believe they'll do anything. 

I eventually became his little robot and just sat there and looked pretty. It was never enough for him though, and I felt so alone. I thought to myself "this is your life now.

 Just do what he wants and you'll be fine" 

I wouldn't be fine though and I knew that. 

So one night after he had gotten wasted, we had the worst fight we'd ever had. 

I call it a fight because this time I fought back. I'd had enough and if he was going to throw punches so was I. He broke my phone so I couldn't call for help, threw my keys in the yard so I couldn't leave. He threw me, pushed me, and hit me. 

But I kept getting back up. I found my keys, drove around till I found a cop, and I took matters into my own hands. 

Please just imagine being my parents and getting that phone call at 3 am.

 Anyways, as you can imagine I pressed charges and put his a$$ in jail. 

Finally I was out... but mentally I wasn't.  

I'm still to this day fixing what he broke. 

He took my peace from me. 

He took my trust, my happiness, my tenderness. 

I couldn't function as a normal long term girlfriend to an amazing man bc I had been destroyed by another.

 I have put my family and loved ones through Hell because of that relationship. 

He made me mean. He made me hard... I have had to work through a lot of pride and a lot of emotions these last few years and I am finally at a good place with myself. I'm finally happy with myself and who I am as a person. 

I'm writing this not for anyone to feel sorry for me. 

I don't want sympathy, no need for it.

 I'm writing this because I know there is someone out there who will read this and it will give them the courage to leave. It will give them the power to stand up and walk away. 

If you're going through a similar situation I want you to know that you are not alone. 

You have people who love you and care about you and who will help you through this.

 You deserve the best, we all do. 

Please don't ever let anyone destroy who you are. Those people are toxic, you can't save them. 

Do not and I repeat DO NOT EVER let anyone steal your peace and your love for others. Find a friend, a family member. Hell find me! But most importantly find God. He will save your life, he will renew your peace and your happiness and you WILL find love. True love. And when you do find it, don't ruin it because another person made you feel like you don't deserve it. You do. 100 percent you do.