That "What about me" moment..

The struggle is real folks..

 I probably share too much. But this is how I process this mind and heart of mine..

Its kind of funny when you have spent so much time praying for things to happen, and then they do happen and you are sitting there one day thinking “What about me?”

I don’t like to sound selfish. But I had a moment this week where I was struggling badly.. And I think it is only fair for me to share my bad times as well as my good times. 

In hopes that someone reading this and feels this way, knows they are not alone.

Trav went to Training this wk in Indiana. We were dreading him leaving.

 Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I was doing great. Jazz and I went to dinners, did some shopping. 

We missed him, but we were enjoying our alone time together. 

Wednesday morning came and I woke up with this thick bout of sadness that overcame me. I had a horrible headache, I was nauseous and dizzy and just emotional all day long. I was missing all 3 of my fellas. I was supposed to start a bible study with my friends in Decatur and take Jasmine to youth group. No morning workout, no challenges on my fitbit.. I literally let this “feeling” rule me and I stayed in bed all evening.

At one point I decided a nice hot bath would help my head. So I got in the tub and just felt miserable.

So I started to pray. I felt so defeated, so something told me to think of the positive things in my life.

I started to thank God for the stuff he has been doing..

Thank you God for the opportunity for my husband to be able to travel and learn and thrive for his job and career..

Thank you God that he don’t have to travel all the time anymore, and that he don’t work crappy hours, that we get to see him every single night.

Thank you God that the twins are away at college getting an education so they can Thrive in big people jobs.

Thank you God that Ci is in Cancun celebrating her birthday and thriving in her life.

Thank you God that Jazz is so independent and will thrive in high school and will turn off the sounds of the haters and be confident in who she is in you.

And then my emotions were all over the place, my selfish thoughts came back on me.

What about me?!

We all have the person in our lives, that when we see them we want to dodge them or don’t make eye contact. Because its always all about them, if you had a bad day, their day was worse. If your kid scored two points, there kid scored 10. I would like to think that I am a good friend and listener, and love to hear about my friends day, but love to talk about mine too. I think there has always been a healthy round of talking and listening in my life with my friends. 

So these feelings and what I am struggling with is new to me. I don’t like the way it feels.

I am struggling because I feel I have no place. I am not thriving in life anymore.

 And frankly, it just sucks. This is not me..

I have to change that! I need to put myself out there again. I need to make new friends, and be a good friend to the ones who are in my life. I need to find new hobbies. I need to reach out to people who are hurting. I need to take the focus off myself.

So I am praying about where to start..

And it seems that the messages I have heard all last month were on Kindness, and Love, and Forgiveness.. Not being angry, irritated, harsh or easily angered.

So I am re-evaluating my heart.. I am correcting areas that need adjustments. And I am reaching out to my readers.

Soooo….

I am going to have a party at my place. I am going to make dinner. And I am going to invite whoever would like to join us. It will be a group of ladies, who just want get away for a bit.

Where we can talk and laugh and just enjoy each other’s company. And just love on each other, and where we are in life right now.

Its going to be a “My favorite thing” party.. I am thinking October 2^nd around 6ish. That’s my first wkend with no home football games, and no early morning cross country.

I will create an invite on fb, but if you would like to join, send me a message or text and let me know so I can add you to it.  
I am already excited about this..
Thanks again for reading my crazy thoughts. 

Just a Random Quickie..

Week one down and week two is going strong..

I can honestly say that week two has been better for me.

But I still have my moments where I start thinking about the twin fellas and I just start crying..

I just miss them.

I miss their presence.

I miss their laughter.

I miss their singing and dancing.

I miss their funny stories and arguments.

I just miss the way they just made my life so much fun.

This cannot be healthy for a person to be so sad about her babies leaving for college. 

Twin Fellas saying HI from OPSU

They have been so good to me though. 

They text or email me each day and they call us thru out the week.

They are loving their classes and professors.

Aaron only has one professor that seems pretty tough but his goal is to win him over with his charm.

Cameron has one night class for English 2, but it will consist of watching movies and writing about them.They are meeting new people and making new friends and just loving the college life.

When we went to visit this college we saw there was a Methodist and Baptist church across from the school. So they had planned on going there, but the last Sunday they attended at The River, Our Pastor told them they really needed to find a spirit filled church to attend each week. So they googled and found Victory Center in Guymon, which is 20 minutes away. 

They went to it Sunday and they loved it.!

Nothing makes a mommas heart prouder when your grown babies actually go to church on their own.

This week on fb so many of my friends sent their babies to college. I scroll thru and look at the pics and I get teary eyed because I know the emotions each mom is going thru at that time.

 Just know I am thinking of you and said a little prayer for you..

It’s such a roller coaster ride of nerves and excitement.. 

But I can only describe that I have this empty feeling in my heart.

Its just plain ole strange to be without them in my house.

Staying busy seems to be what I am doing to keep from thinking too much.

Now that my drivers are gone, I have Cross country duty for our baby girl.

So since I am up way too early, I drop her off and head to gym at work and do a nice workout.

Yep Changes! I might as well invest in myself!

Team FitBit

Trav and I have invested in fitbits and we are having so much fun with our friends who have them. Shout out to TD, Angie and Tracie..

It really does motivate us to move all day long. Even for me who sits at a desk, I find myself walking in place and taking the long way around the office to get my steps in.

Our Ciera let us borrow Pres to attend our church family day at Hawaiian Falls.

When we were walking up to the park she got so excited. She kept saying “OH NANA, Oh NANA thank you so much! I so EXCITED!”

We are getting a small taste of what grandbabies will be like in our future. And I so excited about this.! lol

Our Jazzy is all signed up for her Freshman year of high school. I dropped her off for Fish Camp and watched as she walked in, and I got teary eyed. Our babies grow up so dang fast.

She got her cheer uniform in, and she looks so grown up in it. I am loving the colors, but I think it’s because it reminds me Ciera’s from high school cheer days. 

I miss watching her on those side lines doing her thing, but am looking forward to watching my Jazzy girl do her thing again.

 Cross country and cheer will be keeping us busy over the next 3 months.

But, this momma is counting down the days to see our Twin fellas run in Wichita Falls in September as collegiate athletes!!

Just a real quick thank you to those lovely friends who have sent me text or stopped me at church to just check on me. Or who have been praying for me. It really makes my heart happy when I am thought of, your kindness went a long ways. So thank you.. 

Special shout out to my momma, who has been my person that listens to me while I cry or text her what I am feeling. She has been so supportive and encouraging. Thank you momma. 

That’s all I got. Thanks for reading..

College Day!

Guys had a small get together with their close friends

 Mommas warned me that when you drop your babies off at college, that you cry all the way home. Our drive is a little over 6 hours. 

And I thought I would be sad but there is no way I would cry that long.

I had peace a couple days before the big day. I was super excited for them. 

We had all the shopping done, my list was complete.  

But when I came home to see them packing all their stuff up, it hit me right in the gut.

The tears started at that time.

My Familia get together the day before 

We planned a 3 day trip, we were going to drive to Amarillo the first night, planned to do a nice dinner and movie and just hang out with them.

We left on Saturday morning, 2 SUV’s fully loaded with their things. Stopped for a nice breakfast, even stopped in Childress so the guys could say goodbye to their best friend’s mom as she was on her way back to Boyd.

It was 108 outside and we were driving about 75 the entire way. When the guys had a blowout. Not just a regular blow out, but the tread on the back tire literally blew out, and it took out their bumper and tail light.

The guys changed the tire as Trav used wire and tape to put the KIA bumper and light back together.. We notice the spare tire had a nail in it, so now the guys have to drive slow as we follow.

Aaron looked at me and said  “Man momma good things are about to happen”!

We get going again…

We drive another 20 miles and the Big Blue Beast starts overheating.. This random guy pulls up and happens to have gallons of water for us and cold drinking water for us to drink since we are all drenched in sweat..

We get going again..

Another 20 miles and the Big Blue Beast is overheated again, we pull over in front of fruit stand, and Trav realizes where the water is leaking from and he is trying to figure out how to fix it. He asks the guy at fruit stand if he has a certain size part to do temp fix and of course the guy had a perfect fitting pvc pipe that Trav needed. Let me remind you it’s hot, we are tired. I look at Cameron and Aaron and say “are you sure this is where yall want to go.?” They both laugh and say YES! We are even more excited because something great is going to happen after all these issues. !

30 minutes later we are on the road..

We stop for gas for the KIA and Trav notices water is pouring out again on the Big Blue Beast! I am almost in tears, tired, hot that I just start laughing.. A random guy drives up to see if we need help, he happens to own a shop in town and offers to drive and get us a part that Trav needs.

 Another 30 minutes and we are on the road again.

We make it to Amarillo around 8:30 that night. No time for movie so we settle for the nice dinner.

Trav is worn out,.. We are eating dinner and talk about the lovely trip and we all just laugh about it. But we all realized how each time we broke down God sent the right person with what we needed exactly to get going again. 

We have a good stay at the hotel and even enjoy the rain and thunderstorm that came thru.

Trav got up the next morning to go and buy new tires for the guys, he had them checked before we left Boyd to be sure the tires were good for the trip. He was told they were in perfect condition. But when he took them to get looked at again, the guy showed Trav where the tires were rotted out, and we realize that it was a miracle in itself that they guys only had one blow out.

 Another God moment for sure.

We finally get the guys to OPSU, when we drive up and the Baptist church in town had members there ready to help us unload both Suvs and take all the guys stuff to their dorm. 

We get them all settled in, We take them to dinner and to buy groceries. 

Everything is set, and so we say goodbye. 

I can see the excitement in their faces. 

I can see they have everything they need to start this new season. 

But gosh it was tough to hug them and say goodbye.. 

Jazzy girl was taking it really hard, my heart broke for her..

There were tears and pictures and we were out the door. 

We got us a hotel room in Texhoma for the night. I did more crying off and on but I was doing good.

The next morning, when we loaded up and headed home was the hardest for me. I am not really sure why. But I felt like I could not breathe. My heart was breaking because since I was 17 years old they have been a huge part of my daily life. 

And now I felt so empty, and I hated that feeling.

 How can we be so proud and excited that they have grown to be such amazing loving guys, who are going to experience so many great things. But yet my heart is aching to leave them and not be a part of their daily life.? This has been the hardest thing in my life as a mom. 

 So yes, over 6 hour drive home I did the ugly cry.

Here I am 2 days later and I am doing better. The guys have been so good to me, they have sent me texts to tell me they love me. They called us last night and told us about how their first practice went great and how their coach calls them his “X factors” because they ran great times and were number 2 and 3 in their cross country team. They were excited about starting classes Wednesday.

 And we are so excited for them..

So this is the new life for us.. Just Trav, Jazz and me.. And its going to take some getting used to.

I know this was a long post, but thank you for reading it all the way thru. I have to say that thru out this trip Trav has been my rock. He has held me and encouraged me, and I thank God that he still chooses to do life with me for almost 20 years.. 

His Precious Peace and Promises

A few months ago, I was worrying so  much that it was making me sick. 

Literally sick. 

I was having horrible nightmares each night that I spent most of my day in tears as I thought of every possible scenario that could happen to my Twins when they left for college.

When I would pour my heart out on fb or to my friends, family, I was met with strange looks and people telling me to basically get over it.

Because I am not the first mom to send her children away to college.

But for me personally it was really giving me severe anxiety. I did not want to get back on my Anxiety meds, I wanted to push thru and feel normal again. I wanted to trust in God like I have been doing all this time.

But apparently I thought that his protection ends when my kids go off to college.! (umm no)

The ladies at my church were invited to this Women’s Conference. I was able to attend and I loved how they ministered to my heart and soul. On just the things that women struggle with daily. At the end of the meetings they held prayer. My precious pastor’s wife turned around and asked me if I needed to go up for prayer. Of course I wanted to, just did not want to go up there alone. So she literally took my hand and walked up there with me. While we waited for my turn, Karin put her arm around me and just started praying. She was being sensitive to the holy spirit and everything that came out of her mouth was what I was struggling with. 

From fear, to feeling alone, my failures, to what people thought of me, to my marriage and the friendships I had lost and wanted back so badly.

 After her sweet prayers I felt this big sense of peace come over me like I had never experience before. 

By the time it was my turn for prayer and I told the guest speaker what I was struggling with, I was already at peace. But when she told me that now more than ever my twins needed me, she caught my attention. She said there was no time to be in fear about them. That now more than ever I needed to stand in faith for them. 

That hit me hard right in the face. 

I went home that night with a lot to think and pray about.

 I have had many conversations with God, about the plans he has for them. I have prayed over my twins and the choices they will make once they leave the nest. I have prayed over the friendships that will be made and the professors they will have. I have thanked God already for putting this plan together for them, and how he will be there every step of the way. And of course for their protection over them wherever they go.

Ever since that day, the peace that I have over me concerning them leaving me has been precious.

Does not mean the tears have stopped though. My tears are for my sadness because I will miss them like crazy. I will miss having a house full of teens. Will miss the way they make me laugh. I will even miss hearing them fight with Jasmine.

And I am reminded how fast high school went for the twins and how even though my Jazzy is starting her freshman year it won’t be long till she is going away to college.

It makes me think of my own momma and how she must of struggled when we left her house. Although I felt she was thrilled to have peace and quiet after we all left.

My Twins will be 6 ½ hours away from me. With the freedom I now have on my wkends I plan to visit them on occasion. And Trav said I get to go to some of their cross country meets. I look forward to that new season in my life. I know that God is going to watch over them, and provide for us financially so that they can go to college there all 4 years.

Now I share this with yall, because I know several mommas out there that are struggling with their babies leaving. I know you are wondering what in the world you are going to do without them. I know your heart aches because you have spent the last 18 years chasing and supporting everything they have done. 

So I am praying for you. 

I am praying that peace overtakes you right now. 

That even though we will miss them like crazy, we will be ok. 

That our hearts are healed. 

That we can sleep each night with no worrying over them.

I pray that in the upcoming months you find friendships that have been neglected.

And that your marriages thrive more than ever. 

That we find this new season is the best one yet..

Now, I know a little special someone who leaves for AFRICA for a year this coming wkend. 

I am going to have a sad 18 year old fella as he says goodbye to his sweet girlfriend. I admire and look up to her momma, and so I ask that yall agree with us in prayer for this person and her precious momma and family. That she has safe travels, and has the time of her life. And that she comes back in a year with lots to share. 

We are super proud of you Sarah. You will be missed greatly!

Suck It Up Buttercup...

It seems the word “Changes, Changes, Changes” keeps coming up for me lately.. 

Come August I am going to be experiencing lots of new changes in my life. 

And I am planning on praying my way thru it.

They made the announcement on Sunday during church service about one of the things that is coming up. So now I can share with everyone!

 First of all, thank you to ones who text to check on me or the ones who stopped by the nursery on Sunday.. I appreciate you thinking of me, and the support I have gotten from each of you while I was doing the Nursery thing. Your kind words meant the world to me..

So those who know me well, know that for the last 7 years or so I have been in the nursery. The last almost 5 years I got to help run the Nursery with the Children’s’ Pastors.

At the beginning of June I was told that my position was going away and that the Youth Pastor’s wife was going to oversee the Nursery Dept and create a core group of ladies to do what I was doing.

So that it was not all on one person.

Now I wish I could say I jumped up with excitement when I was told the news.

I am telling on myself here, being brutally honest..

I cried,.. I cried for 2 days..

Poor Pastor who had to watch my melt down.

I went thru different emotions.. I was shocked as I never saw it coming. I felt like I was not appreciated.. Like my faithfulness and hard work was not noticed.. I was sad, because I loved what I got to do each Sunday..

Than I was just pissed..

Again not a proud moment, and I failed completely if this was a test..

BUT…. after much prayer and seeking council from my sweet and precious friend.. I asked God to help me see the big picture in all this. And to minister to my heart what he wanted me to do next.

 And he did just that!

First thing I had to realize it was nothing about ME!! It’s about the Little People.. 

So once I got my focus back and got over myself.. I am happy and excited about what is in store.

I have been asked a few times, so I will answer it on here.. 

 YES, I will still volunteer in the nursery on occasion. 

 YES, I still get to be part of helping with the nursery with a great group of ladies.

The little people are going to love the new curriculum that was finally purchased, and I think the parents will love it too. The core group of ladies have a great heart and love the little people just like I do. So yes, changes are coming, but they will all be great changes..

But I wanted to take the time to give a shout out to a few people..

First to my hubby and children. They were so happy when they heard the news.. lol apparently me being over the nurseries was not always glorious for them..

Thank you guys for helping me wash and fold the many t-shirts, and blankets and spit up rags. Thank you for going to church, sometimes 2 hours before service without complaining while you ate your breakfast in the nursery classes. Thank you for understanding that our wkends were cut short because we had to be up bright and early every single Sunday.. And thank you for being patient as I spent time texting all wkend to find replacements for the classes each wkend. I know you did it because you love me, and you knew that I loved serving the Little People..

Second to the many ladies and gentlemen who showed up each month to volunteer in the classes. To those who had to help me out twice a month. Or those who had to help me out on a moment’s notice. Thank you for your faithfulness and for serving and loving the Little People. It's because of people like each of you that I was able to do what I did successfully.

And to my blog readers who attend our church or a different one.
 If you have a little one in the nursery, or a grandbaby in that nursery. Please ask how you can help do your part. I feel the nursery area is the hardest one to fill. But if everyone did their part, than it would only have to be once every 2 or 3 months. And it keeps people who do it over and over each month from getting burnt out.

So there it is.. My heart on the matter.. The good the bad and the ugly.. 

These nursery changes take place August 1^st, We move my fellas into their dorms August 8^th, and My Jazzy girl starts her freshman year towards the end of August, and Travis goes a way for a bit for training in August also. ( I think he planned that on purpose) I am going to take a long and much needed break in August, so no worries if you don't see me much. 

When I think about all the changes coming I have a strong desire to just hide under a rock.. And since that is not an option for me, I am having to put my big girl panties on and take it all one day at a time.

So keep me and my familia in your prayers please. And let’s see what all is in store for us in this next season. 

Answered Prayers

Where I work, we have morning prayer before we start our day. Working with nothing but men, it is usually pretty simple. A morning devotion is read and then someone prays, and we go about our daily duties.

The other morning I really felt in my heart I was supposed to share and pray. And Since its been a while that I have blogged, I figured it was time to share on here too.

Raising kids is expensive. Our children know what it is like to see their parents live paycheck to paycheck. They have everything they need and some, and we give God all the glory for always providing for us. But our children also know what it is like to be told no, we can’t do some of those extras all the time. No fancy vacations, No fancy and name brand clothing. 

Oh how blessed we have been to have understanding, good hearted children. 

We always knew college was going to be expensive. Having twins going to college was going to be tough. So we have always told our kids that good grades are very important, and if you play sports be the best you can be. No half butt effort. Just in case you get noticed and you can play sports at collegiate level. 

Aaron 

We have been strict with grades, sometimes maybe a little too strict. We expected A’s, and so the boys made A’s. Which is why they will graduate in top 10 of their graduating class this June. And we did not allow any quitting in sports, you attend every practice and game, and you never gave bad attitudes to the coaches, even if the coaches were not so nice. When applying for college, filling out the fafsa and all that fun stuff, we were disappointed to be told we did not qualify for any help. According to them, we make enough  money to put both boys thru college. So imagine our frustration when we both work our butts off and live paycheck to paycheck and to find out we don’t qualify. Same thing with college courses at the school, it hurt our boys to where they cannot graduate with Distinguished Honors because we could not afford some extra college courses. I hate to admit that I have had moments where I felt like a failure as a parent. And I know so many other families who are considered middle class, where we make enough money to not be considered poor, but not enough to actually afford certain things. But we have kept the faith, and we just continued to pray for God to provide so our boys can go to college and be successful, and not struggle with money. We want them to experience and accomplish more than what Trav and I have, above and beyond what we could even imagine.  

Cameron

I am thrilled to let you know the guys applied at Oklahoma Panhandle State University, they were accepted and are being given an Academic Scholarship, and an Athletic Scholarship for running. We also found out that Aaron is being awarded a $5000 scholarship from an insurance company in Decatur, it is called the “Character Counts Scholarship”. We are being blown away with how the money is coming in, and we know more is coming their way. Our guys are really seeing the benefits of the their hard work, and seeing their own prayers being answered.

 It’s a great feeling when your own children tell you “See mom, we told you God would provide for us”..

 Proof that We must be doing something right.. 

My 2015 Catch Up Post

Here we are 2015!! Life has been extremely busy and so as you may have noticed I have neglected my blog followers.. So let me play catch up and give you the highlights since the last blog..

Aaron's Letter

Cameron's Letter
         My Handsome Twin Fellas have been Accepted at Texas Lutheran University. They were given the Presidential Academics Scholarship. And the Cross Country Coach has contacted them and wants them to join the team. We get to tour the place next week and talk with the admissions office and coach to see if this is where they for sure want to go. Yes, this momma is very excited and proud of my fellas, but 4 hours and 20 minutes away is breaking my heart. But I know this will be great for them, and I have accepted that. Almost.. Keep them in your prayers for guidance.

  
    My Ciera graduates from Cosmetology School this week. She has to go to school for a little bit longer and then take the big state test. SO prayers for her to pass with flying colors. We are proud of her, and look forward to what the future holds. So if you need to get your hair did, hit Ciera up. Of course I am loving being a Nana to Our Princess and believing that a proposal is in the very near future.. Hint Hint Vijay..

   My Baby girl turns 14 tomorrow.  I am still in denial that this is even possible. Some days I look at her and still see that precious little toddler following my every move, but lately I look at her and see this young beautiful woman who has  huge heart and is a go-getter.

 I pray daily for the relationships she has in her life. That God surrounds her with real friends, and that she always shows compassion and love in return. She has been in pain for so long with her knee, and has missed basketball season so far. She had also been sick with the crud, and our doctor gave her a stronger allergy med, and the crazy thing is this med has helped her knee pain. We don’t understand it, but sure is nice to see her without the darn knee brace.

      The hubby and I celebrated 18 Looooong Years of marriage in November. I bought him a nice fancy TV for the bedroom and he just decided staying with me longer was a big gift enough.. lol I am thankful for him. We are loving having him home every single night, and thrilled at how he has been able to attend all the kids activities. We are enjoying the alone time we seem to be getting a lot of lately too. But he is preparing for the big melt down when my fellas leave me in 6 months. He said something about getting a hotel and living alone. Not really sure why, since I will be leaving with the boys to Sequin Texas..

   We went to watch the Boyd football team play in the playoffs, and since it was half way to Lubbock I called up my real dad to meet us. I had not talked to him in almost 2 years. I was pissed at him for being so drunk at my Grandpa’s funeral. Of course He was thrilled and met us there at the game. I got to visit with him for about an hour while he was sober before he left and had a few thousand drinks. He came back to the game and almost fell on one of our friends in the bleachers. I was quickly reminded why I don’t get to see him very often, and why I despise the smell of beer. Needless to say we left the game early, and came home. But you know, God has been dealing with me about being bitter and holding grudges against people who have hurt me. And after that visit I drove home with a heavy heart. But I realized that him rejecting me most of my life, had nothing to with me, but his addiction to alcohol. We all deal differently with life. Unfortunately my real dad chooses alcohol to cope. I love him, and happy I got to see him. But thrilled he lives 4 hours away.

That about catches everyone up on Life with The Hammetts. Its basketball season so we spend a lot of time cheering on the Boys Varsity team, and really just enjoying family time and dinners with our friends.

I am excited about the opportunities that are coming up in 2015. I have never been a big New Year’s Resolution person. But this year I am trying to slow things down and enjoying the “Right Now” moments in life. My babies are all growing up and soon it will just be Trav and I at the casa. But my goal for the year is to make a better effort at being a good friend to the Women in my life. Take time to send “just because” cards and do more invites to dinner. SO ladies keep your phones handy, I am going to be calling on you.