Say It Is Not So.. 18?!!

2019 is here, and to say it came in a blink of an eye is an understatement.

You see,.. Today 18 years ago I gave birth to the sweetest baby girl..

For 18 years we have gotten to be by her side, cheering her on and directing traffic as she has grown into this beauty.

For once in my life I am a little speechless. 
And my heart is aching a bit.(Okay A Lot)

I look over the last 18 years and am having all kinds of emotions...

Emotional~ because my sweet baby is not a baby anymore. She grew into such a lovely, feisty young woman who can be stubborn with a mean streak like her daddy. Yet precious, fun-loving and patient like her mommy. (sarcasm)

Joyful~ because this last year she has met some goals that she has worked so hard for. From being a Life Guard this last summer and training and making it to Regionals with her XC Team. We got to be there every step of the way.. She even got to leave campus to attend some college classes and is working hard towards her Nursing Career. And of course got accepted into the College she wanted.

Sad~ because well she is my baby… Need I say more? This is it.. She will graduate in just 5 months, and leave for college in 8 months. I am so thankful for Social Media/ Face Time. 

Terrified~ Well again, she is my baby and she is leaving me.. Moving to the other side of the world (okay only 4 hours) And I can’t go with her (trav frowns upon that idea).

I cannot be there to make sure she takes care of herself. (which I know she can) Or to just be there and keep her safe and away from people who may not have good intentions with her heart and kind spirit.

Blessed~ because the bond that this little girl and I have is absolutely amazing. We annoy each other thru out the day with silly memes and sarcastic texts. Or just to check on each other. Jazz has been good to Trav and I, we overlook the hormonal moments (even though they are pretty scary,.😊) because she is and has always been a sweet girl. Never rebelled against our rules, no partying or talking smack to us and always informed us of where she is going with who, what and how long. Excels in school and all her teachers love her.

Lonely~ Because for the last 22 years of my life, I have always had babies to take care of. From having Ci when I married Trav, to the twins arriving and then of course our Jazzy. I don’t know life with Trav without kids. I joked to Trav that I needed to write a blog titled “oops I forgot to make friends and hobbies the last 22 years of my life”. Now don't get me wrong, I have some sweet friends in my life, I just have not been a very devoted friend to them because I allowed my babies to consume my life. But I do not regret that too much. I love being a momma, it is my greatest Joy. But this means  there will be no more practices and games or school events to watch my babies participate in. And my Jazzy is my little BFF, we do so much together and I know Trav will not want to fill all those spots.

Excited~ Well, because Jazzy is going to college to fulfill the desires of her heart that God gave her at such a young age. To be the light in people’s life during the most precious time of a person’s life. To be a Labor and Delivery Nurse. I am filled with complete excitement that this girl has goals in her life and that I know she will do above and beyond that. She gets to get away and meet new people and make new friendships and grow as a person in this new season. A fresh start.. A New Season..

Thankful~ Because we serve an awesome God and I know the plans he has for my Jazzy. That he is going to be there with her every step of the way. That he will protect and guide her steps, and that I can trust in him and be at peace like I have with all 4 of my babies.

Proud~ last but not least. Sigh.. Oh how proud this little girl makes me. Jazzy the last 18 years you have given us so much to be proud of. Your passion for life and people speaks measures about your heart. Your devotion to people who don’t deserve you in their lives also speaks measures about your heart. You have smiled thru some tough things in life, but like always your joy came with the morning. I wish I could take credit for that, but that was all God. Don't ever doubt your worth. Never allow anyone to break your spirit. Or let anyone convince you that you cannot meet all your goals.

Whoohoo Jazzy, you are finally 18.. I know you are so excited about this day. 

SO many things on your to do list. Even though one of those is gonna hurt us both 😜

But please give me a moment to let it all sink in a bit. 

As you can see your Momma's mind and heart are all over the place. 

I will eventually embrace this new season. 

Eventually being the key word there.
Good thing we booked that Cruise, this Momma is gonna need it.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl.

May all your hopes and dreams come true.

May 18 be the year you start to see all your hard work begin to pay off.

Love Always

Momma