Oh My Heart, Be Still...

So, It may have been a while since I have blogged about anything. 

And I can make excuses about how busy I have been and blah blah blah. 

But in all honesty my heart and mind has been in mourning..

Please stop reading right here if you are going to roll your eyes or judge me for being real...

You see I feel that all I know how to do is a be a momma, and if you ask me I think I am a pretty darn good one. Perfect? No, but pretty close. (sarcasm)

I read another blog the other day about a mom who dropped her baby off at college. 

It got me all in my feels.. She talked about the emotional struggles she dealt with. (Been there done that with my twin fellas)

How there are all kinds of books about what to expect when you are expecting. 

What to expect the first year,. How to books on potty training and books upon books of how to get thru the teen years and on and on. And I am not downplaying the teen years, I know they are brutal. (Oh Lordy those were some fun times)

But where are the how to books on how to allow your baby to go off into the cruel world alone?

How am I supposed to manage this last year of high school knowing it won’t be long before I have to let her go.?

When us mommas talk about how difficult Senior year is all we get is eye rolls and told they will be fine. Or that we are being dramatic. Oh Trust me, Jasmine could of moved out at age 5 and been completely fine on her own. 

And before you say it, I am very strong in my faith walk, I know my babies are protected.

But, someone tell me how to tell my heart that my momma days are coming to an end.

Someone tell me what I am supposed to do with myself.

You see I thrive off of being a momma.

I love it with everything in me.

I love cheering my babies on.

I love taking care of them, and making sure they have everything they need.

I love being able remind my Jazz to take her meds, and when she ask me to braid or straighten her hair before bed. To make sure she gets plenty of rest and eats or she will get hangry. 

To see her sweet face each day to just see she is ok. 

I love the little quick text I get thru out the day to let me know how her day is going or to tell me to get her food. Or how she is about to throat punch someone.

I love when she gets an off day so we get to do breakfast at Mels or a trip to El Paseo. Movie dates and shopping trips ( I am sure my hubby wont be too sad for those to end)

I love XC meets every Saturday and watching her cheer during Friday night lights and Pep rallies.

I love and treasure the early mornings when she will randomly crawl In the bed to watch Hallmark shows with me.

I love when she yells from her side of the house for me to come here, only to have her ask me to turn off her light because she is already comfy in her bed. 

These are my most treasured moments as a momma with my baby.

Yet, I am supposed to be jumping up and down to have an empty nest.? 

I am told that I should be rejoicing for all this free time I am gonna have.?

Umm, no. Not this Momma.. 

SO.. To my fellow Senior mommas, cry if ya wanna cry. Get all sentimental if ya want. 

Take lots of pictures and post and brag all over social media if that is what ya wanna do. 

But, If ya see me walking quickly away, know that I am trying not to embarrass my Jazzy by doing the ugly cry in front of her. 

Most of all I will be praying for US, We can do this.!

I am looking forward to the Many memories that will be made and shared. I am going to soak it all in.

Because it is gonna go fast, and next thing ya know we will be a blubbering mess as we drop them off at college.

P.S. Yes I know I will always be their momma. But having adult children is a whole other topic. 

Let me warn ya now.