Ewe.. Forgiveness..

Yes, I know this is supposed to be the month for just Thankful Posts.

But, I am in the mood to share.

The last month God has been stirring up some feelings in me, which honestly I tried to ignore. But, than our Pastor was confirming those things, than we had a guest speaker who also confirmed those things. So, instead of stomping my feet, and sticking my tongue out, and saying “I can’t hear you”!
I had to pray for strength to learn from this. To learn “how to even begin.”


Like my fello blogger Rachel Taylor says, I won’t tell all my dirty laundry.

But, let’s just say, that Christmas last year, my world fell apart. I acted a fool at our family get together, and hurt some people, one of those who has been apart of my every day life, and I have not spoken to him for almost a year. And oh, how I Miss him and his family like crazy. It is breath taking at times.

Around the same time, a very close  friend of mine, moved far away to another state, and she really struggled with being over there, and let’s just say, we all had no idea what the move would do to us, and we struggled with understanding how to be there for each other, and it got ugly quickly, and we all walked away, heart broken, and confused. She tried many times, to make amends, but I was not very kind and felt that I had plenty of reason to hold my grudge.
In my mind, I was protecting my heart. But in reality, I was acting like a child, telling her, that I could not forgive her.(sigh) Nope, not one of my proudest moments..

Than, a couple of  Sundays ago, my Wonderful Pastor taught, and I honestly don’t know the title; iit was something about the heart. But, what stuck out was something about that person that always gets offended, and walks away from the relationships. I get an elbow to my side from my sweet and amazing husband, and I look over and see my twins looking my direction, and I am like “Gee Thanks fellas! “ Can you feel the love?!

That evening, I was talking to God, and I told him, how I miss my family member, and how I just don’t understand how he won’t forgive me! And it was like it hit me square in the face. Basically asking me, how I want to be forgiven, but yet, I am not willing to forgive the people who have hurt me. Yep! Ouch!

I look back now, and I think about how many relationships I have slammed the door on, and cannot even remember why! How crazy is that?! AT the time, I felt it was bad enough to give up on a relationship, but now, it seems so small. Don't get me wrong, I know why a few of them ended. We all grow, we all change, and our goals in life go different directions. And there is nothing wrong with that. But, I am not proud to admit that some have ended, just because of my own selfishness. It seems it is way passed time to come off my high horse, and quit behaving like I am the greatest gift from God, and learn to love unconditionally. To love everyone, during the good times, but especially the bad times. I need to realize, that it is not always about me, and that I need to quit expecting so much from people. To just be thankful for everything!


So there you go! For some reason, I was supposed to share this with my followers. So let that sink in and marinate. And let’s start working on “us”..

Hope you enjoyed the "Random Pictures!"