They Will Always Be My Babies

About 3 or 4 years ago I wrote a blog about my fellas feeling like they were not good enough..

 It was in regards to cross country.  I asked for advice on how to raise my boys to be proud of their accomplishments..

Over the years I have watched my boys get up at 5:30am  5 days a week to go run anywhere from 5 to 8 miles a day. They have had to turn down invites on Friday nights because they had cross country meets the next morning. I have watched them limp thru the finish line, sometimes with bloody knees from falling and getting back up to finish. I have screamed and ran (or a very fast walk) along with them telling them their times and how to keep going. I have hugged these sweaty boys with tears in my eyes because they beat their record. 

I have encouraged them and promised them that their hard work and dedication would pay off in the end. And last wkend when I read the Wise County Messenger article, to see my twin fellas picture with an article named "Twin Powered",  I just cried..

 It hit me hard that my babies are leaving me in such a short time.

 Tears of joy because they are reaping the benefits of their hard work and dedication. 

Yet tears of OH MY GOSH my babies are seniors and going to go off to college without me!

I need my Prozac!

Or I need time to slow down quite a bit.

Or maybe just another baby. Ha!

But in reality, I am just beyond overwhelmed at the Favor my Boys have had on their lives.

There were times where they felt down, but they always turned to scripture to remind them that nothing was impossible.

That with God they could accomplish anything they put their mind and heart to and as long as they gave it 100%.

I am proud to say they have been contacted by different colleges who want them to run for their team, and because they are both graduating in the top 10% of their class.

Again this momma is struggling hard, because the last 17 years my life has been about these twin fellas.  I am gonna miss them like crazy.

Dinners around the table won’t be the same, trips to Wally world will become dull. And the living room will become bare.

But, this is what we have been believing for. That our children will grow up and attend college and do something amazing with their lives. They are getting opportunities that Trav and I did not get.

And for that Trav and I are thanking our God for everything he has done for our boys, and are so excited for what is to come..

Now pray for my Jasmine, because she is gonna have to fight me off of her, as this momma is gonna need some serious snuggle time in the next 4 years!! 

Why ya gotta be so rude?

One of the many things I admire about my husband is that he can say hi and carry a conversation on with complete strangers. Yes annoying at times, but thankfully 3 out of 4 of my kids have this trait.

 On my good days I like to think that I am pretty easy going and a fun loving person. I know like everyone else I can be pretty darn grumpy.  It takes me a bit to get out of my comfort zone, and when I am feeling friendly and I say hi to someone and they ignore me whether on purpose or because they did not see me I get my feelings hurt. And I spend the rest of my day pondering and over thinking what I could of done to make someone mad. Mad enough to ignore me. Of course my husband thinks I over think things and ask me why I put so much thought and feelings into how someone treats me or thinks about me. He makes great points of course, but  in my mind I can’t explain it, but I just know how it makes me feel. I struggle with that, because I do care what people say or think about me.
 I say all that, to tell yall one of my biggest pet peeves is when you are fb friends with someone, and yall go to same places, whether it be church, kids practices, games etc. And you see those “fb friends” and you smile or say hi and they completely blow you off and ignore you. I mean why?! What does a person get out of that? A grown person! 
Again, I understand we all have bad days, and yes I know there are those chances that you were not seen. But, I know when I am seen and when I am being ignored.  I have to ask are we back in Middle School? How can I tell my daughter not to let certain people bother or get to her, when “me” myself still struggles with it.? Does it really take too much effort for people to just be kind to each other? I honestly don’t think people really understand how much a wave, smile, or a simple hello can mean to a person. Just imagine what a hug can do?!  I find myself blogging about this in hopes that if you are reading this, YOU will stop and think and just be a little extra friendly today. The world needs some kindness these days.. And remember the little people are watching, and will learn how to treat people by what they see you do.

Make It Fit...

Little People are just precious in my eyes.. They are still learning each day, and the way their minds think are just brilliant.. The other day a couple of the toddlers combined two different puzzles together.. SO one of them was trying to put a hippo where the rain boots needed to go. He turned it and smashed it and flipped it and was getting frustrated because he could not get it to fit. I kept trying to explain to him that it was the wrong puzzle and showing him that it belonged on this board. And he looked at me like I was strange and clueless and just kept trying again to force it to fit. So I started putting all the pieces together in the other puzzle so he could see that his piece is what I needed to complete it. Once he saw that he had the piece I needed he ran to me and put his hippo in, and we clapped our hands and said YEAH you did it!

I honestly think we as adults do this in our daily life.. We try to make certain things and people fit in our lives where they don’t belong. God is showing us he has something better for us. But we just constantly twist and flip and shove and make excuses as to why we don’t want to let things go. Convincing ourselves that they do fit, they just have to.  But when you are spending so much time defending yourself and convincing other people of your actions, than its time to let go and let God. It should not be so hard to be happy and to have people in your life who love you, all of you.. Just stop, listen, pray and you will see the Big Plan he has for you. And the feeling of peace will overtake the hurt and life will be back on track for you.. You can be nice and kind to everyone, because that is what we are told to be, but pick your close relationships carefully..

 Living and Learning.. Just Saying..

Ephesians 4: ²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Note To My Friends...

It’s kind of crazy and messed up.. 

How we allow lies from the pit of hell try to come in and steal our joy..
 Over the last couple of months. 

Thoughts come to mind, things like..

" I am not good enough" 

" I will fail" 

"No one cares" 

" Life would be better if you are not around"

 ”Why do you even bother”

With much prayer time.. I know I am in a battle with my own thoughts.
 And I have to learn to shut them out.. To be still.. To know he is still God and is still in control.  To know how much HE loves me, and how HE thinks so highly of me.

Than 2 wks ago I started having horrible nightmares. I wake up in tears and have to calm myself down. I again have had to learn to just pray and thank God for protecting me and mine. Until the feelings pass. 

By this time I am sure you are thinking what I am, I mean come on, someone go ahead and admit me. This crap gets old.. But I refuse to get back on anxiety meds. I have to move forward.

So I have really stayed to myself.  It’s how I handle and deal with these things lately. Than last wk, three different people on three different  days text me to ask if I was mad at them. So next lie came to mind.. "you are a horrible friend and don't deserve good friendships".  So in reply to those texts and to all my lovely friends..
Right now, at this time in my life I am just content with my friends who  want to be part of my life and want me in their lives.,  That they know I am a text, phone call or email away.  That I will reply right away, almost always unless I  don’t get your text because of my lovely cell phone service.  I will pray for you on the spot, I will go to dinner or movies when invited..  I will listen and only respond if you want a response.
I will celebrate life with you when times are great,  and I will cry with you when life sucks.  I will cheer you on when you feel like giving up.  I will stand by you and with you for during all those times.  I will do my part. I may not be the one to send the first text every single day.
But that is all I can promise. That’s all I can devote.  I am in a new season in life.  I am sitting back, slowing down, and just enjoying one day at a time. My babies are growing up..  My marriage is thriving..  My hubby has become my one true best friend.  And that makes my heart happy. SO please don't take it personal.  This is just me.

Reminder...

It’s been an interesting couple of wks in this crazy thing we call life.

We “I” get so caught up in the daily things like work, kids, bills, fb, getting ready for a new school year. And I allow things, silly things to control my thoughts and attitude. Yes, I know it’s wrong, and that I should stay focused. I know that I should have control over my thoughts and how I act and react to certain things. Just sometimes I get tired of all the BS.. But last wk we got a reality check in our little home. Trav had not been feeling well. And I am a nag about him not taking care of himself. And I asked him to go to dr. He of course was like, “I am fine” but come Monday morning he called into work. If ya know my hubby he never misses work. And It concerned me, so I again suggested “nagged” him about going to dr. He finally gave in and went. We find out that he showed signs of having a heat stroke. We are not gonna lie. This scared the crap out of us. He took a couple of days off to rest and recover per dr’s orders. We watched him carefully. Probably annoyed the crap out of him. And during that time, I allowed the enemy to come in and mess with my thoughts. I started questioning why this was allowed to happen to him. I wanted to reach out to someone, anyone who could answer my questions or just listen. But I honestly at the time felt like I was alone. Like I had no one to tell.  And let me tell you, that is a horrible place to be. I had to keep myself together for my kids and show no fear. I surely did not want to vent to my hubby about it. Although he could tell something was wrong. I was kind of upset at God for even allowing this to happen. And so I just let it stir and stir and I got angrier each day, and by Wednesday I was laid up in bed with a full blown migraine. I was in tears, and I just let it all out. I had a good talking to God, I reminded him because I thought maybe he forgot how good my husband is. How giving he is, and how he jumps to help anyone in need. How he works his butt off to provide for us.  I reminded him that we serve in areas, and we even do it on days we really don’t feel like it. I continued to cry and pout and then I turned on my music.. It was His turn to remind me of his goodness. Song after song it talked about his love for me. I was reminded of all the things my husband and I have conquered because of him. I was reminded how my children have been protected because of him. How we have all we need and many extras because He is the one who has provided for us.. How he has never left my side, that I have never been alone.  And if anything this heat stroke was a way of getting Trav’s attention to stop and slow down and enjoy the life that we have right now. It was a message for me to stay focused. To turn off all the distractions and focus on what really matters in life. I know it was the enemy trying to kill, steal and destroy my precious family. Lie after lie, but he failed. And we are stronger for this. Now Trav is fine, we are thanking God for no permanent damage. We found out a medication he takes is probably what caused  his body to react to the severe Texas heat. So he is on the road to recovery. 

So I am sharing this song called "Forever" by Kari Jobe

"

The moon and stars they wept
The morning sun was dead
The Saviour of the world was fallen
His body on the cross
His blood poured out for us
The weight of every curse upon him

One final breath he gave
As heaven looked away
The son of God was laid in darkness
A battle in the grave
The war on death was waged
The power of hell forever broken

The ground began to shake
The stone was rolled away
his perfect love could not be overcome
Now death where is your sting?
Our resurrected King
Has rendered you defeated

Forever he is glorified
Forever he is lifted high
Forever he is risen
He is alive, He is alive!

The ground began to shake
The stone was rolled away
his perfect love could not be overcome
Now death where is your sting?
Our resurrected King
Has rendered you defeated

Forever he is glorified
Forever he is lifted high
Forever he is risen
He is alive, He is alive!

We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
The Lamb has overcome

Forever he is glorified
Forever he is lifted high
Forever he is risen
He is alive, He is alive!

You have overcome
You have overcome
You have overcome
You have overcome

Oh Young Love..

During my FB Fast this wk, I have had time to do a little blogging..

I may have mentioned that my Twins are Seniors this year. We are getting ready for Senior Pics and looking for pictures for the baby ad page for year book.

I am having to come up with some kind of message to put with these pictures, so needless to say I have been a bit of a boob bag. How does a mom choose which pictures from the last 17 years, they are all my favorites. Sigh..

AS our summer is coming to an end it has been quite enjoyable and we have experienced some technical difficulties.

It was no secret if you followed us on FB that my son had a girlfriend. Well after some decisions that came to an end. Of course I could be hateful and blast my blog and other social media outlets about my thoughts on how hurt my baby boy was. It was his first young love.  But I told my son not to respond to it on social media and just let is play out. And I was proud of him for doing as I asked. So of course I have to follow the same rules. But honestly I have nothing bad to say. Why, because I still love and care for her. She was a big great part of our family for almost 2 years. I have pictures that I will not delete. I have memories of some good times. And yeah Jazzy and I have actually shed some tears because we miss having her around. 

But I am proud of my son for choosing to be a teen. And not getting so serious so fast.

I have found that many young teens are in such a rush to get so serious, when I have tried to show  my kids they have plenty of time for all that. But now is the time to chase their dreams, and to set goals and reach those goals. Yes I was very young when I got so serious. And yes we are still together. But there have been many tears and heartaches to stay together. The odds were stacked against us. But we came out swinging. And I don’t want that for my children.

Yes I don’t like to see the young ones so heart broken. But I promise each of yall “This too shall Pass” and who knows what the future holds.

Just enjoy life right now, you have plenty of time for all the other stuff. Like AFTER college. heehee 

My Trav..

18 years ago..

Trav and I started watching a TV series that Jazz and Ci have been watching.. 

One of the characters who is really hot by the way, is seeing an older man. And she got jealous very easily over some silly things and started to cause a scene.

 I am sitting there watching and I start to giggle because that was me not too long ago. Because of the age difference we have and because of my lack of confidence and knowledge of dating that I have, I have put my husband thru so much crap. Silly crap. Because I was insecure.. I mean really silly crap that no one should have to deal with.

Thru out the last 18 years of our marriage, I have had people plant seed in my head which added to my fears. Whether it was the Sappy Romance novels I read, TV shows I watched or people in my life who had bad experiences with marriage. And unfortunately I let it grow and grow and believed it.

 But, no matter the fits I threw. No matter my fears and childish ways.. My bad attitude or choices that I made. He never failed me. Over and over he had to reassure me that his love is real. That I am the one and only for him. Thru my thin to my thickness, he stood by me. Never put me down. Each time I wanted to quit, he refused. He encouraged me and lifted me up and supported me. He fought for both of us at times, taught me that what we have was worth fighting for.

Today I can say that our marriage is stronger than it has ever been.

 I see him and US thru a different perspective. 

I appreciate him and understand him so much more..

And oh how I thank God for that, for HIM..

In the nursery I had the privilege in talking with one of my dear friend's Susie McKinney. A faithful woman full of joy, love and knowledge. We talked about our children and relationships and she said that any two people can get married. But it takes an act of God and working together to stay married.

Today I find myself praying stronger for my children.

I pray they find their very own “Travis”..