So It Continues....

So, I am behind on my blogging and my reading. I have to tell on myself and admit I have not been to the last Bible Studies, but I have not quit.. I am still reading and going strong!
I will see you there Chella, I promise!

The next couple of chapters cover a variety of topics.. After we discovered what the Root of our insecurities have been. We move on to the next topics..

Like our EGO and PRIDE..

The following things are what Beth Moore shared on these Topics..

She talks about how we set ourselves up for failure. We need to learn what we can handle and what we can’t. There is a volume of wisdom in knowing the difference.


She also says that sometimes people and situations make us feel insecure because they nick our pride, plain and simple. Just because pride fills a heart doesn’t keep it from breaking. It just keeps it from healing. AND Some need to come to the conclusion that we have no greater burden in all of life than our own inflated egos. No outside force has the power to betray and mislead us the way our own egos do. That Pride talks us out of forgiving and steers us away from risking. Pride cheats us of intimacy, because intimacy requires transparency. Pride is a slave driver like no other, and if it can’t drive us to destruction, it will drive us to distraction.

Than she talks about how insecurities can makes us act like total fools..

Not only can insecurity talk us into disastrous relationships, it can talk us out of great ones. And it can make us panic and act like freaks..

Heard another good message the other day.. One of the things that was said and stuck out to me is “We” put so much time, thought and work into how to treat our enemies.
Like avoiding them when we know they are going to be at the same place. So we don’t talk to them and we do Not making eye contact, and than (I) WE stay up all night upset because of it all. When how much easier would it be if we were just kind to them and just decided to love them anyways..? Swallowing your pride, and just know they are human and make mistakes, but God created them too, and loves them just like he loves us. You don’t have to be BFF, but you don’t have to act like a donkey either..
We talk about how horrible it is for young kids and teens to deal with being bullied, yet, we see grown adults do it, and we don’t say a thing about it. Seriously!

I grew up seeing pride tear relationships up.
Just because one person that we loved was mad at someone, than we all had to be mad at that person. I was taught that if a person did not come up and talk to me, than that person was rude. But yet I am not rude for not going up and talking to that person? Oh it gets better, how about the person who is skinny and confident,? I was taught that person was just a hooch or that they think their poop does not stink.. I grew up seeing that when someone hurt your feelings, you picked up the phone for a “woe is me party” and talked about that person to someone else. And you never even tell the person what they did and give them the chance to make it better or at least let them know you are mad at them.

And how about the times when we over react because we think we are being ignored by our spouse? Have you ever sent ugly texts, and nasty voicemails and blew some one’s phone up because you thought you were being ignored on purpose.? Only to find out they left their phone in the car or were in a meeting. And how about when you think your significant other was checking another lovely lady out. Oh my I have seen and done some doozies when it came to stuff like that....
I am ashamed to admit that I behaved that way, and that I thought it was ok. I was judgmental, and rude and ugly to people for no reason but my own ego and pride.

 I don’t know about you, but I am exhausted.. I know I cannot change over night, and it won’t be easy.. But, if we would just give it all to God.. If we would repent, and ask God to change our heart and show you where you need to change. Life could be so much more enjoyable..

We need to let God shovel us out of Insecurity, because without Him, we’re stuck..

The ROOT of it all...

Rooting It Out is the name of this chapter..
It covered so much information, and it took me a couple of times of reading and re-reading it so that I could let it sink in..
It talks about the root to our insecurity. The things that we have experienced in our up bringing and daily lives that makes us feel the way we do..
Points she shared..
Life is rough. It’s also beautiful but if we can’t get some respite from its cruelty, we will never have the healthy vision to savor its tender beauty.
Than she shares a scripture in Proverbs..
“Each heart knows its own bitterness” The more intense the pain the more it feels like nobody fully understands. Try as I might I can’t fully comprehend how a particular event affected your life, even if we both shared the same experience. Your personality and history shapes your response, just as my own unique background affects mine. We’d go only so far in one another’s shoes before laces came loose.
During particularly lonely or frustrating times, perhaps you, like me, have felt that nobody else gets it. But HE gets it better than we do..
She list the different things that we could of experienced like:
Instability in the home...

Significant Loss...

Rejection...

Dramatic Change...

Personal Disposition...
I dont know about you, but I for one can say yes to about half of those.
Here is a journey into my little mind and life..
My real dad was an alcoholic, and so he and my mom divorced when I was about 3 years old. He slowly stopped being a part of my life, and when I was finally old enough to use the phone and write him. I was always the one to chase after him, and just hope that he would take the time to talk to me on the phone and or respond to my letters. At such a young age I just wanted to be convinced that he still cared and loved me. I grew up doing this, even though he really did not show interest in being a part of my life. I really believed for years, that I was just not good enough for him to love me like he should of loved me. Now, as an adult and a mother, and many great sermons that I have heard, and a mighty God we serve, I have forgiven him for this, I now have a some what good relationship with my real dad, and don’t hold a grudge against him anymore.

But, I have learned that because of how he made me feel, that in my other relationships, I am the one feeling the need to chase after them, and constantly looking for any attention they will throw my way.. And why I take it so personal when I think or know when someone is ignoring me or upset with me. I know it sounds horrible but, basically I want all the attention, when realistically it cannot be just about me. Darn that sharing!!

Beth Moore says that all the things she listed are in many ways, scars on the soul left by hardships,. Insecurity that results from the way we’ve coped rather than healed.

The good news is readers, is God knows! Beth shares this last thing..

He does not take lightly that some of us were raised in a veritable madhouse. He does not take lightly that some of us have been mentally berated or physically beaten or sexually abused or simply abandoned.

God will wipe away every tear from the eyes of those who trust Him, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things will pass away and all our hardships will be finished..

Again, “Now that is Refreshing”…
So be kind people, you really have no idea what a person has or is going thru in life..

My Favorite Topic..

Hi Readers, I am still in my Bible Study, but not quite ready to share what I have read and thought of lately. Still meditating and digesting it all..

So I figured, I would bring it down a notch and blog about one of my most favorite things.. My CHILDREN!

Jazzy at Homecoming Game

My sweet baby girl is not a baby anymore.. Busy little girl.. She is in full Fall Ball mode. She gets to pitch some, and last night’s game was cold but she pitched so good. We really enjoy playing ball with these girls, coaches and parents. We are all very passionate about softball.. lol She is also doing gymnastics so she can perfect her back flips for cheerleading tryouts at the end of this year,. She is loving school this year, and is making straight A’s. and LAST but not least She also is going to youth group now, and tried out for the Youth’s Group Worship team “Breakthru”.. And guess what, she made the team.. She was beaming with excitement. SO proud of my mini me..
Our Jazzy girl is a big ball of emotions, but her smile is still there, and her little feisty fun size spirit goes a long ways. 

Ciera with two of our many precious babies

Now for our Ciera, I don’t get to blog about her much, because we don’t get to see her very often. But I am so happy that she has started helping in our church nursery again. She used to be the head teacher in our toddler class, but she got burnt out. So we are slowly getting her back, and this Saturday we had life kids. And she was my helper. She prefers the toddler age ones, but I could not resist this photo moment. Yes momma here with a camera in my hand 24/7 But notice that all my children smile on command when they see me with a camera..lol Love this grown up kid of mine, her and her passionate, spunky, attitude and all.. I would not change one single thing about her.

Cameron Decatur Cross Country Meet



Aaron Decatur Cross Country Meet

Now for my twin fellas. If you follow me on fb than you know what they are doing right now.. They have been in full blown cross country mode since before school started. Now if you have ever did any kind of running, than you know it takes dedication each and every day. They run any where from 3 to 5 miles a day. And have meets on Saturdays. I am so very proud of these guys and how well they are doing. They are placing at some meets, and bringing home medals. And at the last meet, even if they did not place in the top 10, they are beating their times, and are working so hard for the district meet. Also since their freshmen year they were asked to record all Varsity football games. So this is their 2nd year to do this, and they love it. Although Trav and I love football, and were bummed when they decided they did not want to play anymore. We are happy they are part of the team in some way. And of course they also attend the youth group at church, and they got baptized last month. All of my family was there to see this proud moment in their lives.
As you can tell I am a proud momma, and we stay super busy. But we love every minute of it.

Thank yall for taking the time to read my blog. You all make me very proud when I see how many views I get on here. I promise to blog soon about the last 6 chapters that I have read in my Bible Study.
Till Next Time!

Just Afraid?

Have you had those days, weeks, months, where you were recovering from some severe blows in life.. And starting to heal, than out of no where, you feel like someone literally punched you in the gut? Just takes your breath away.
Well this next chapter did that to me. It is called “Good Company”..

In this chapter Beth Moore talks about bible stories, tells about people in the bible who were pretty insecure and made mistakes, bad choices, and yet God still used them for his Kingdom.

First of all, I loved getting a bible lesson and realizing that they (The Bible People) were not perfect people, that they were human just like you and me.

This book has been so good for me, but it is stirring up things that I really wanted to leave alone. It is making me see “ME” for the person I was and had become. I have been so eaten up with insecurity, that it was controlling my life.
Here are some quotes from the book that I highlighted..

“Our bodies, souls, and spirits are far too intricately woven. Eventually hearts follow bodies, and bodies follow hearts”

“Studies have long since proven that much of what we fear is fueled by our imaginations, and in fact, most of what we fear never even happens”
“Jealousy is always the result of a perceived threat. And a threat always places a 911 call to insecurity”

“Insecurity lives in constant terror of loss. Insecure people are always afraid that something or somebody is going to be taken from them.
“The need to be considered the greatest is always rooted in the gnawing fear that we’re not.

She goes on to say “More often than not, if we are willing to make the connection, we can trace feelings of insecurity to a perceived threat, especially when it comes in a sudden rush.. She tells us to ask ourselves these questions..

What are we afraid of?
Who are we afraid of?
What are we afraid of losing ?
Why are we afraid of being displaced?
If I am being honest, I can answer each of those questions with the same answer..
My biggest fear is “Being Alone”..

What am I afraid of? Being Alone
Who am I afraid of? The ones I love leaving me, to be alone..
What am I afraid of losing? The ones who love me, and leaving me alone..
Why am I afraid of being displaced? Because in my warped mind, I have myself convinced that I don’t deserve to be loved, so someone better will come along, shove me out of the way, and guess what, I am alone..

But yet, the Bible tells us over and over how God will never leave us, how he is with us at all time. If we can be secure in HIM, than he will take care of all of our desires and get rid of all our fears. It sounds so easy, and I desire to be secure in him with all my heart. But I first have to pray that he shows me how to get rid of all the junk, all the unforgiveness, I have packed and carried with me all my life.
I encourage each of yall to ask your self those questions, and than pray and ask God to show how to get over those insecurities.

Week 3 Insecurity...

Ugh, I so wish I could say I enjoyed this next chapter. But I have to be transparent and say, it stepped all over my toes.
This chapter was called “She Does Not Look a Certain Way”

You see, one thing as a mother, when my children have come home and were beat down or discouraged, and decided they literally disliked a classmate. I would sit them down, and say, ok, you realize when you don’t like someone; it is because somewhere deep down you are jealous of what they have that you don’t. And about 80% of the time I was right, they either had more money, nicer clothes, shoes, more friends etc..
And it showed my children that they were wrong in their thinking and had to make a decision to like everyone,,
You see I am great at giving advice, it is just taking it in for myself where I struggle. Lol

This chapter reminded me of that. I never wanted to admit I was the jealous type. Although my husband and the close friends I have had in and out of my life know the truth about me..
Of course some of the things that Beth Moore shared in this chapter, reminded me a lot of what I have been told..
Example:
“ What on earth do you have to be insecure about? You have everything! Nope, Actually nobody has everything. Beware of Appearances.”
OR
“A lot of people like you, and you have a lot of good friends”
OR
“ Wow you have been married for a long time, you must have this marriage thing down easy”

You see we all have different definitions on what certain things are in our life. We come to expect our family and friends to treat us a certain way. We think we deserved to be treated and wanted a certain way, but it is so unfair to those people in our life,..

“ No person on earth can love you perfectly enough to mend a tear in the crimson fabric of your soul. “

We all (ME) spend so much time judging and thinking a certain someone has everything and is so secure, and if I only had this or that, I too would be so happy and secure.. Not knowing we have no clue what other people struggle with..

“ Be careful who you covet. Be careful how you judge. Be slow to size somebody up and think you know all about her type. She’s not so different from you. Nobody’s unbreakable here on this planet. Only the dead don’t bleed when they’re cut. We all fear that we are not who were pretending to be.”

I have had to do a lot of talking to and praying to God and myself, to help me to quit being so judgmental towards people that I have no clue what they are going thru.

I encourage all of my blog followers to seek God in that area too.

“You and I are going to have to come to a place where we stop handing people the kind of power only God should wield over us. Change will not come easy, Old habits die hard. But we can make the radical decision to rewire our security systems”

Week 2 of Insecurity...

Yes, I know yall have been eagerly waiting to hear more about this book..
Of course I don’t want to let you down..
The 2nd chapter was tough one to read..
But it is kind of amusing when I am reading this, and am saying “Yes!” “Exactly!” “Finally someone who understands!”  
Than I realize what a huge nut I am..lol

Reading this book like I said has opened my eyes in many areas. I never doubted I was insecure, but I always pretended I was not as messed up as I am. Let me share some of the things that stood out to me..
First of all the chapter is called “Insecure Enough to Matter”

Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self doubt, a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. We live in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate?

Of course I translated that to Basic English terms that say “We worry, do “We” really matter..

She also says “The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. This person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable.

I had a convo with my husband. We talked about feeling secure in different areas. One thing I admire about him is if he finds out someone is upset with him, whether it be family, friends, co workers. He has the attitude, of “Oh Well, they will get over it”
Ohhh how I desire that attitude.. Me on the other hand, when I even think someone is upset with me, I literally freak out, and play things in my head, and wonder how I could of said something better, and how can I approach them to make it all better. I let it eat away at me.
Or how about when we expect too much from one person? And they get tired of trying to convince me they are fine and not mad or upset with me, that the relationship comes to an end..
It is heart breaking for me..

Than of course the big thing that hit me between the eyes is something she also said..

“She realized that she not only lacks security, but that she lacked Faith..” Big Ouchy!!

Now, I don’t know about any one you blog followers, but I am just plain exhausted..
If only I could see myself the way God see’s me, and the way God created me to be, and keep my head up knowing without a doubt, that I do have a real purpose on this stinking earth..
No matter the mistakes WE all have made.. God still loves ME! He still loves YOU!

His Love should make everyone of us feel secure..
NOW That is something we should get excited about..

New Bible Study, Take 3.. ACTION!

If you have followed me on FB lately, you will see that that I have been making comments and posts about a new Bible Series I actually am attempting to follow.


I have had a few friends message me and ask what book it is. So I figure why not use my Blog to let people know..

It’s a Bible Book Series by Beth Moore Called “So Long Insecurity”..

Now, let me be the first to confess, my insecurities that I have are not healthy.. I am talking someone needs to put me in “Hug myself jacket” type of not healthy..

And I will admit that I started this class with the insecurity that I was insecure that I needed to attend..=0)

Now blog followers, let me tell you.. If I had not invited people to join me, and actually pick them up to take them, I would have backed out. You see, this is the 3rd Bible Study I am attempting. I started two others before this, and I quit them.. And I beat myself up for quitting. Yeah, schedules with the kids sporting events always conflicts, but I admit I quit..

But this time, it peaked my interest. And I have only read the first 3 chapters of the book and study guide, and I already know that I am more insecure than I thought I was to begin with. AND I know it is why I have struggled in all my relationships, from marriage, to family to my best friends.

BUT!! I am learning that Insecurity is curable!!


The following are from this book, that screamed out at me!! And I want to share..

“I want some soul-deep security drawn from a source that never runs dry and never disparages us from requiring it. We need a place we can go, when as much as we loathe it, we are needy and hysterical. I don’t know about you, but I need someone who will love me when I hate myself. And yes, someone who will love me again and again until I kiss the terrestrial sod good-bye..”

“Life is too hard and the worlds too mean for many of us to grasp a lofty sense of acceptance, approval, and affirmation early on and keep hold of it the rest of our lives..Come what may…Circumstances abruptly change, and setbacks happen. Relationships unexpectedly end. Or, just as cataclysmically, begin. School change, Friends change. Jobs change. Offenses happen. Betrayals happen, Tragedies happen. Engagements end. Marriages begin. Kids come. Kids go. Health wanes. Seasons change.”

As if the battle isn’t hard enough, we sabotage ourselves,..

There you go! I am diving in and hoping to make it thru this one..
So get ready blog followers, this is going to be an interesting roller coaster ride..