OHHH Baby!!

I am a female.. I over think everything.. My mind is going non stop all the time.. Usually I can get over myself, and move on to think of something new.. But lately, my mind and heart is staying on one particular thing. A Baby! I want a baby.. The thought sends my husband running for the hills. He already made it very clear, that if I “get” another baby, he is filing for divorce. How RUDE!! Of course there are babies around me every where.. From my sweet friend who has Baby Gracie, to my handsome little nephew Gabe, and let’s not forget that I actually have the honor of playing with all the little bitty people in the church nursery. You would think between all of them, I would get my baby fix. But it is not working.
 I STILL want to adopt an infant.


* (Please Excuse the following Rant for a minute)
Had a conversation with some of my friends the other day about this. Talking about how hard and expensive it is to adopt babies, toddlers and children. But yet there are so many precious babies out there that are being neglected, and have never experienced what real love for them should be. They are living in Foster Homes, or Orphanage, or even worse, living with their parent who only has them to get that monthly paycheck. These precious little people being mistreated, and harmed, and killed. (Side note: NO I don’t think all foster homes or orphanages are horrible) And we wonder why kids grow up to be insecure and hateful. When all they really need is to be loved. I am not questioning God; I know he loves all the precious little people. But, I know so many couples, who have been married for years, and have a nice home, and have been trying for years to have a baby, but cant.. Yet, there are many couples or single ladies, who don’t even want a baby, and get PG, and than get rid of it like nothing. Like it was an inconvenience.. It is something I cannot wrap my mind around..

Back to me…

So anyways, I have asked God to show me, why my heart and mind is on this baby thing lately. And it all became clear.. Besides the fact that I just LOVE babies.

In less than 10 days my handsome twin babies are going to be 15 years old..In 3 months they will be going on their first missions trip to CANADA! In a matter of a year, they will be driving, dating, and spending less time at home. In less than 3 years they are going to graduate from High School, and go off to college! A part of me is super excited to see them grow, and to see how God will use them.

But than a part of me, is screaming NOOOOOO!!


Someone push pause, this is happening way too soon.!! I sware it was just last month, that we went to Ciera’s open house in 2nd grade with my babies in their stroller.


Or was it yesterday that we were doing the happy dance cause they went peepee in the potty!? Oh how I love being a mommy. And oh how my heart aches, to know that one day my house will be quiet. There will be no “MOM, I am hungry!” or “MOM, the boys peed on the toilet seat!” or “MOM, tell Cam to let me play the X Box too!”.. No more late night basketball, baseball/softball games, no cross country meets, or track meets to freeze at. No more half time shows to watch the cheerleading.


Oh Sweet Jesus! What will I do with myself?!

Prozac STAT!

Please blogger followers, no lectures needed.. I know, that I know, that I know in my own knower that my tude stinks big time..


And I know that people are watching, and looking to see just how I react. To be honest, if you look at the outside entire picture,.


I have nothing to be grumpy about. Life is good, we serve an amazing God; the kids are wonderful, we are healthy, and have money in the bank, surrounded with people that love us..


You see, but the problem comes when I have been growing in certain areas. Attending bible classes and attending this new series my pastor has been teaching. Or going away for a couple of days to see Joyce Meyer! I am thinking it was a bad idea to attend all three. Cause it is like a triple whammy.. Who knew that when you pray to God to show you the areas you need to improve in, that he would ACTUALLY show you!! And just when I have gotten over myself and realized what I have to do to change, I get hit with another thing.. Or how about when you think, that you FINALLY figured out what you are being called to do, and than you are told NOPE, that is not for you.. Sorry! Or when you question what your motives are when you serve, or when you are reaching out to help someone you love. Or when things are sent your way to tempt you, or take you off track. Why do we second guess ourselves.? Why do we even consider doing things, we know we are not supposed to do.


Well, DUH! That is just the enemy trying to sneak in those insecurities. He has come to kill, steal and destroy you! Of course he is not happy that we are doing so much to show love and to serve. That we are learning and growing in our Faith walk.


Don’t give him the satisfaction, and allow him to steal your joy.. Don’t quit! Don’t be tempted! You know right from wrong! Get help! Don’t try and do it alone!


You know what your passions are; God gave them to you for a reason!


Soooo, give me time.. I will get over myself, and turn my light back on, to shine and love once again..
After I get my Prozac refilled..

What is in your Heart??

Learning that we all have certain insecurities.

Dealing with those big fears, of being hurt, being rejected, just feeling like you belong.

Whether from your childhood, teen years, or now..

We try to hide, behind those walls that have been built over the years.

Pretending that we don’t realize they are really there.

But learning, that unless you deal with those evil demons and temptations in your life, that you will realize how many times they come and attack you at once.

How many opportunities are sent your way to distract you, and tempt you to make bad choices. Ohh the curiosity, the “what if’s”..  The thought of satisfying your desires may bring temporary satisfaction, but it won’t last long. We need to dig deeper, search harder for the real issue. Look into your heart, deal with the hurt and pain in there, ask God to show you how to heal.

Forgive yourself!

Quit thinking you can do it alone.

But, I Don't Wanna!

We seem to be in the middle of a new season in our lives.
Constantly on the go, but I am loving it.

I have mentioned in past blogs, the comfort of my bubble.
Over the last 5 years, I seem to have taken baby steps, and changed in some areas in my life. With my Bad attitude and a bad case of the "I Don't Wanna's!"
One area that I have always struggled with, is what “My True Gifting” were.. I must admit I had my doubts that I was given any true gifts to reach and minister to people. Being the big people pleaser that I am, kind of interferes with me NOT being a friendly people person. But, in the last 3 months, changes have started, and let me tell you. Ready or not, God is doing some amazing things in my life, and in the lives of the people around me.
I mentioned how I joined the Real Women Bible study group at my church. We are in week two, and Oh My Goodness, I am being blown away.! We are studying the Life of Jonah, and how he ran from God. When reading the book, and comparing it to my life. It is like a big slap in the face, of what I am dealing with right now in my life. It seems, I am going to have to deal with so much. Starting with the way I see myself, and my insecurities. Do you know, I struggle with accepting compliments? I mean seriously. How hard is it to just say “Thank You”?! When my sweet friends compliment me, I feel the need to put myself down. The look on their faces, always make me laugh. Makes me uncomfortable.
If only we could all see ourselves the way that God and other people see us. Yes, we are our biggest critic. And I think it is what distracts us, from finding the calling on our lives. Please know that those distractions are not from God. I encourage all my blog followers, to dig deep. What are the true desires of your heart? What are your true passions? They were given to you for a reason.

Believe in your self, and learn to take compliments with an open heart and gratitude. Take the time to also build others up around you. Tell people, what you admire in them. I have to admit, if it was not for my sweet friends that God has brought into my life, I would still be running, and I would not have come so far, and would still be clueless as to how God is using me and My True Gifting.

SO put your running shoes away. It is time..

Psalms 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord: and He will give you the desires of your heart…

Silly Fellas..

Never a dull moment in our home. Especially when you have twin fellas who are out going, and love to play jokes and scare the crap out of each other. If you were to ever stop by our house, I can guarantee you will be made to laugh! After all LAUGHTER is it the best medicine for the soul.


So don’t be fuddy duds.
Don’t take life so serious!
Have fun, and learn to laugh at yourself!

Here is a good example!

The other night, Cameron made us dinner. He makes the best pancakes, and Jazz and I were not feeling well, so I asked him to cook.

He was starting to clean up, and he asked me if Aaron was still on “Dishes Duty” since he was grounded. And I said, yep he sure is. Well Cameron, thought it would be funny to rig the sprayer at the sink to get Aaron when he turned the water on. Well, My Cameron is my “special” child. He is super smart, but sometimes forgets important details. He has been told, he is not allowed to ever leave the house alone. Anyways… After he rigged the sprayer, 3 seconds later, he went to wash a bowl out, forgetting about the sprayer being rigged, and freaked out when the sprayer got him in the chest! Yep! We all got a good laugh. Again I say, never a dull moment in our home! 

My Fellas grew up to be handsome young men.



No More Excuses!!

Yep, that is what conclusion I have come to this week. I have mentioned that my family has been at the same church for almost 7 years this June.
 I may have mentioned my struggle with getting out of my “comfort zone” and meeting people.
I may have even mentioned that I found it hard to develop relationships there at church.
Of course I blamed it on everyone else but, me..
Because in my mind I felt people should come talk to me, you know, cause I am way more important!! Lol (Don’t judge, I am a work in progress..)
So, most of the ladies that I did know about, had this group called “Real Women” who met every Tuesday morning. I have to admit, when I heard about the fun stuff they did, and saw pictures of outings, I always felt that I just did not belong, because I had to work every day..
I struggled with this, and had many talks with God about why I had such a hard time fitting in. My excuse was cause of work, and them having it during the day..
So I convinced myself that I was just not “Real Women” material, and just went on with my bad attitude. Than of course new people came to our church, and I got more involved in stuff, and started feeling part of things. Started getting comfy being outside my bubble.

Than Guess what!

 I see that they are going to have Tuesday Evening classes for Real Women..

Next excuse was “Well, Trav works nights, so I still won’t be able to attend”.
Of course shortly after, Trav get’s day job, and guess which days he is off?? Yep Tuesday!
So, than I find out it is starting in February, and so now I think of a new excuse.
 “Ohh God, I would love to go, but I don’t know “those” women, and I am too scared to go alone”..
So, I mention this to some ladies, and I find out, the women that I do know are going to attend, AND two of my friends from Boyd want to join me..
Yep! I finally had to say OK GOD, I get it, no more excuses, I am going to “Real Women”!!
And so last night was the orientation, and Oh My! It was so much fun! There was not an opportunity to be shy, or worry about not fitting in. I met new people; I talked with people I have known for years.
We laughed, did a “speed dating” kind of thing to talk to 15 women for 2 minutes each.
We wore mustaches and glasses as we ran thru the church looking for clues..
It was wonderful, and I am so super excited about the next 10 wks!
 AND when I got home, Trav and my boys let me know how proud they are of me, for getting outside my bubble.

 It’s official people!

I am now a “Real Woman”..

HE HAS IT COVERED..

Hello Blog Followers!
Please know the following story is true, and names will not be used to protect the individuals.
And I don’t tell this story to give everyone my “ Dirty Laundry” (shout out to Rachel, my fellow blogger) but, I tell this story, to share how amazing the God we serve is..

I love my kiddos.. All four of them..
 Raising teens can be a lot of fun, but there are days, I have to remind myself how high strung I was as a teen, and how I used to think certain things were a bigger deal to me at that time. My twins are pretty good ole fellas. Trav and I know how blessed we are, that the biggest issue we have with them, is them forgetting to scoop the kitty litter or feed the dogs. So, yes they are great fellas.
Lately one of them has been very “frustrated”. And he was allowing the “teen” tude to attack his mouth. And yes, there were moments, that I had a sudden urge to reach out and show him the power of “love” right across the face. But, I calmly reminded myself, that he was tired, he was frustrated cause of his day, and that this is not the person he really is. So I gave him a warning. He got the pt, and we moved on. Well, it happened again, this time, I took it more personal, just cause I was having a bad day, was fighting a migraine, and I just could not understand why in the world he was being so ugly to me. So, I lectured him, told him he could not attend a party, and he is grounded. He was told and warned to take the attitude off his face, or else.. And I let him know, how he was making me feel. I dropped him off at youth group early, cause they were going to some youth rally, which one of the boys was not thrilled about attending, yes it was the one with the “teen” tude.
And I attended the first class of a series my Pastor was teaching.
Now, I must say, I really enjoyed the points he was making, it is starting from the beginning,. But during the lesson, all I had on my mind was my son, and what I needed to do, so that this was not an every day ordeal. I beat myself up, and wondered if I had failed as a mother, if I should be harder, or if I was too hard. My mind was racing, and thinking different things, and by the time I got home, my head was throbbing, and I just gave it to God. I asked for wisdom, on how to be the mother that my children need,. And I went to sleep.

My daughter picked the boys up later that night from the youth group activity. And my son came to my rm and sat in my chair and just said he needed to talk to me. So I turned my light on, and he said “Mom, I just wanted to tell you, I am sorry for the way I have been acting, and the way I have been treating you,.. He said that tonight he learned that God made him as a master piece, and he was not portraying a master piece with his behavior. That there is no good excuse for the way he treated me, and he was going to work on being a better son and person. Of course at this point, I wanted to just grab him, and hold him.. But he is a teen, and that is not cool behavior. So, I just told him, I accept his apology, that it means a lot to me, to hear him tell me that, and that I love him, and no matter what I will always love him, and be his biggest fan.
He said he knew that. And he went to bed.

Yes, at this point, I busted into tears. And like always, I told God “Yes, I know, I know, you had it covered as always!”
Now, picture me jumping up and down on the bed, and screaming this next sentence to you..

“People, He loves you, and he wants us to trust in him, he knows what is on your heart, he knows what you worry about. Just give it to him, and stand strong on your faith, that he already has it taken care of..”!!!

Also, one last thing. I have to say, I love, love, love the church our family is a part of. Pastor Robert and his lovely wife Holly, do an amazing job with these youth, and I am so excited to see my fellas be on fire for God.. I just know there is a special chair and crown in heaven for people like Robert and Holly..