Just Afraid?

Have you had those days, weeks, months, where you were recovering from some severe blows in life.. And starting to heal, than out of no where, you feel like someone literally punched you in the gut? Just takes your breath away.
Well this next chapter did that to me. It is called “Good Company”..

In this chapter Beth Moore talks about bible stories, tells about people in the bible who were pretty insecure and made mistakes, bad choices, and yet God still used them for his Kingdom.

First of all, I loved getting a bible lesson and realizing that they (The Bible People) were not perfect people, that they were human just like you and me.

This book has been so good for me, but it is stirring up things that I really wanted to leave alone. It is making me see “ME” for the person I was and had become. I have been so eaten up with insecurity, that it was controlling my life.
Here are some quotes from the book that I highlighted..

“Our bodies, souls, and spirits are far too intricately woven. Eventually hearts follow bodies, and bodies follow hearts”

“Studies have long since proven that much of what we fear is fueled by our imaginations, and in fact, most of what we fear never even happens”
“Jealousy is always the result of a perceived threat. And a threat always places a 911 call to insecurity”

“Insecurity lives in constant terror of loss. Insecure people are always afraid that something or somebody is going to be taken from them.
“The need to be considered the greatest is always rooted in the gnawing fear that we’re not.

She goes on to say “More often than not, if we are willing to make the connection, we can trace feelings of insecurity to a perceived threat, especially when it comes in a sudden rush.. She tells us to ask ourselves these questions..

What are we afraid of?
Who are we afraid of?
What are we afraid of losing ?
Why are we afraid of being displaced?
If I am being honest, I can answer each of those questions with the same answer..
My biggest fear is “Being Alone”..

What am I afraid of? Being Alone
Who am I afraid of? The ones I love leaving me, to be alone..
What am I afraid of losing? The ones who love me, and leaving me alone..
Why am I afraid of being displaced? Because in my warped mind, I have myself convinced that I don’t deserve to be loved, so someone better will come along, shove me out of the way, and guess what, I am alone..

But yet, the Bible tells us over and over how God will never leave us, how he is with us at all time. If we can be secure in HIM, than he will take care of all of our desires and get rid of all our fears. It sounds so easy, and I desire to be secure in him with all my heart. But I first have to pray that he shows me how to get rid of all the junk, all the unforgiveness, I have packed and carried with me all my life.
I encourage each of yall to ask your self those questions, and than pray and ask God to show how to get over those insecurities.

Week 3 Insecurity...

Ugh, I so wish I could say I enjoyed this next chapter. But I have to be transparent and say, it stepped all over my toes.
This chapter was called “She Does Not Look a Certain Way”

You see, one thing as a mother, when my children have come home and were beat down or discouraged, and decided they literally disliked a classmate. I would sit them down, and say, ok, you realize when you don’t like someone; it is because somewhere deep down you are jealous of what they have that you don’t. And about 80% of the time I was right, they either had more money, nicer clothes, shoes, more friends etc..
And it showed my children that they were wrong in their thinking and had to make a decision to like everyone,,
You see I am great at giving advice, it is just taking it in for myself where I struggle. Lol

This chapter reminded me of that. I never wanted to admit I was the jealous type. Although my husband and the close friends I have had in and out of my life know the truth about me..
Of course some of the things that Beth Moore shared in this chapter, reminded me a lot of what I have been told..
Example:
“ What on earth do you have to be insecure about? You have everything! Nope, Actually nobody has everything. Beware of Appearances.”
OR
“A lot of people like you, and you have a lot of good friends”
OR
“ Wow you have been married for a long time, you must have this marriage thing down easy”

You see we all have different definitions on what certain things are in our life. We come to expect our family and friends to treat us a certain way. We think we deserved to be treated and wanted a certain way, but it is so unfair to those people in our life,..

“ No person on earth can love you perfectly enough to mend a tear in the crimson fabric of your soul. “

We all (ME) spend so much time judging and thinking a certain someone has everything and is so secure, and if I only had this or that, I too would be so happy and secure.. Not knowing we have no clue what other people struggle with..

“ Be careful who you covet. Be careful how you judge. Be slow to size somebody up and think you know all about her type. She’s not so different from you. Nobody’s unbreakable here on this planet. Only the dead don’t bleed when they’re cut. We all fear that we are not who were pretending to be.”

I have had to do a lot of talking to and praying to God and myself, to help me to quit being so judgmental towards people that I have no clue what they are going thru.

I encourage all of my blog followers to seek God in that area too.

“You and I are going to have to come to a place where we stop handing people the kind of power only God should wield over us. Change will not come easy, Old habits die hard. But we can make the radical decision to rewire our security systems”

Week 2 of Insecurity...

Yes, I know yall have been eagerly waiting to hear more about this book..
Of course I don’t want to let you down..
The 2nd chapter was tough one to read..
But it is kind of amusing when I am reading this, and am saying “Yes!” “Exactly!” “Finally someone who understands!”  
Than I realize what a huge nut I am..lol

Reading this book like I said has opened my eyes in many areas. I never doubted I was insecure, but I always pretended I was not as messed up as I am. Let me share some of the things that stood out to me..
First of all the chapter is called “Insecure Enough to Matter”

Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self doubt, a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. We live in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate?

Of course I translated that to Basic English terms that say “We worry, do “We” really matter..

She also says “The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. This person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable.

I had a convo with my husband. We talked about feeling secure in different areas. One thing I admire about him is if he finds out someone is upset with him, whether it be family, friends, co workers. He has the attitude, of “Oh Well, they will get over it”
Ohhh how I desire that attitude.. Me on the other hand, when I even think someone is upset with me, I literally freak out, and play things in my head, and wonder how I could of said something better, and how can I approach them to make it all better. I let it eat away at me.
Or how about when we expect too much from one person? And they get tired of trying to convince me they are fine and not mad or upset with me, that the relationship comes to an end..
It is heart breaking for me..

Than of course the big thing that hit me between the eyes is something she also said..

“She realized that she not only lacks security, but that she lacked Faith..” Big Ouchy!!

Now, I don’t know about any one you blog followers, but I am just plain exhausted..
If only I could see myself the way God see’s me, and the way God created me to be, and keep my head up knowing without a doubt, that I do have a real purpose on this stinking earth..
No matter the mistakes WE all have made.. God still loves ME! He still loves YOU!

His Love should make everyone of us feel secure..
NOW That is something we should get excited about..

New Bible Study, Take 3.. ACTION!

If you have followed me on FB lately, you will see that that I have been making comments and posts about a new Bible Series I actually am attempting to follow.


I have had a few friends message me and ask what book it is. So I figure why not use my Blog to let people know..

It’s a Bible Book Series by Beth Moore Called “So Long Insecurity”..

Now, let me be the first to confess, my insecurities that I have are not healthy.. I am talking someone needs to put me in “Hug myself jacket” type of not healthy..

And I will admit that I started this class with the insecurity that I was insecure that I needed to attend..=0)

Now blog followers, let me tell you.. If I had not invited people to join me, and actually pick them up to take them, I would have backed out. You see, this is the 3rd Bible Study I am attempting. I started two others before this, and I quit them.. And I beat myself up for quitting. Yeah, schedules with the kids sporting events always conflicts, but I admit I quit..

But this time, it peaked my interest. And I have only read the first 3 chapters of the book and study guide, and I already know that I am more insecure than I thought I was to begin with. AND I know it is why I have struggled in all my relationships, from marriage, to family to my best friends.

BUT!! I am learning that Insecurity is curable!!


The following are from this book, that screamed out at me!! And I want to share..

“I want some soul-deep security drawn from a source that never runs dry and never disparages us from requiring it. We need a place we can go, when as much as we loathe it, we are needy and hysterical. I don’t know about you, but I need someone who will love me when I hate myself. And yes, someone who will love me again and again until I kiss the terrestrial sod good-bye..”

“Life is too hard and the worlds too mean for many of us to grasp a lofty sense of acceptance, approval, and affirmation early on and keep hold of it the rest of our lives..Come what may…Circumstances abruptly change, and setbacks happen. Relationships unexpectedly end. Or, just as cataclysmically, begin. School change, Friends change. Jobs change. Offenses happen. Betrayals happen, Tragedies happen. Engagements end. Marriages begin. Kids come. Kids go. Health wanes. Seasons change.”

As if the battle isn’t hard enough, we sabotage ourselves,..

There you go! I am diving in and hoping to make it thru this one..
So get ready blog followers, this is going to be an interesting roller coaster ride..

Guest Blogger.. " The Gang in Life"

Someone very dear & close to me has started writing. I read this, and asked this person to be a guest blogger on my blog. This person agreed, but wants to remain anonymous. This is a little deep, personal, and long, but I think a very good read. Enjoy!

The Gang in Life

Been thinking about writing for my own personal therapy. I know this will sound like rambling and I will probably jump around. But let’s talk about the things we endure in life.
Some of these bad, and some not so bad.

The first is “Insecurity” It is the first of the gang you have to watch. He’s is not the leader, but the lackey of them all. He sneaks in and causes us to think things that 9 out of 10 times are not true. He’s small but gets the ball rolling down hill. It starts slow but gains speed quickly. He will get you thinking things like “He does not love me” “He does not think I am pretty” “He does not want me”. He starts getting you down and ruins your self esteem. He tears down your walls and makes you vulnerable. He sets you for his partner.
His name “Manipulation”..

Manipulation see’s an opening and jumps right in. It knows your down and has to move quickly. It steps in and makes you think he is everything you need. He leads you into places you would never go before. He will talk to you about what troubles you and act like he cares. All the while having ulterior motives. He will make you think he is what you need. Pretends to care for what hurts you. He will make you forget about those who are important. He will falsely make you feel good. He will make you think he is ok and your deserve him, even if it is wrong.
He leads you to his friend “Deception”..

Deception is one bad fella! He is one of the top guys in the Gang. He leads you to do the things manipulation has put in your mind. He teaches you to be deceitful. He shows you how to go behind the ones who care the most, to make you feel better. He makes you think what you are about to do is ok, and you deserve it. He makes you forget about the ones who Love You! He makes you not care who you hurt. He prepares you for the next member.
His name is “Betrayal”!

Betrayal is the biggest Bad A of the Gang! He takes you on the final journey. He helps you cross that line you have preached about to others. He convinces you to throw away everything that has ever mattered. Spouse, Family, Friends, Children. None of them matter at this point. It becomes all about you. It does not matter who you are hurting, or who loves you. He tells you all the right things, uses you as long as you let him. And does not care. He put you in a position that believe me will not turn out well for you in the end.
Now some think that Deception and Betrayal are the same. They are close but completely different. You see Deception is brutal; it beats you and slices you a little. It leaves scars you will never forget. Betrayal though is a double edge sword. It cuts going in and it cuts coming out. It than rips out everything that was good and that you cared about. It leaves a hole in you that is empty and dark. It leaves you emotionless. Takes away your ability to smile and function normally. The hole it makes is huge and does not scab over and heal. It takes away happiness and causes gaps between you and the ones who matter. He is the leader of the gang and one tough song of a gun. Few have tangled with him and won nothing back. Beware of the gang. You run with them, and you will not like what you have become!

After some time, when you least expect it. You find that there is more to the story. Even more characters to the Gang. After the Gang has attached, all seems lost. But, there is a Hero. He is tough, emotional, hard and caring. And yes if used correctly, way tougher than any of the Son of a Guns I have mentioned. His name is “Love”..

If you let him, he can heal your wounds. He can overcome what has beaten you down. He can be your shield. He can rebuild what you were. He can restore your ripped out heart and make it anew. If this seems impossible, it is not. You see, Love is a super hero. It is obvious. GOD is LOVE.. This is what makes love Unbeatable. God is almighty and he loves you. If you turn to him, all can be repaired. Now love has an accomplice.

It’s FORGIVENESS. He is hard to accept, but very necessary. Forgiveness does not come easy; we believe it must be earned. But Love (God) says it should come easy. Just ask and you shall receive says God. Trust in him and turn to him and all things shall be taken care of. You have to quit fighting yourself and what hurt you. Give it all a chance and trust. LOVE (God) can fix it and forgiveness will be there. You just have to get to know him..

Just a Quickie...

We have been super busy with Life.. So no long deep blog to share right now..
But just random quickies to share..

We are now the official parents of two sophmore twin fellas and our baby girl is a 6th grader in middle school...

Our Ciera Nichole celebrated her 23rd birthday!

My Nephew that I asked you all to pray for, came back from South Carolina Boot Camp..
Thank you for your prayers!

Our Pastor was part of the Youth Auction, and of course The Hammett’s won the rights to have him wear our favorite team jersey during his Sunday Sermon. Go Romo!

And just a little extra of one of my favorite little cuties in the entire world Baby G..

Wishing everyone a great School year, Remember to take every chance to be Jesus with skin on.
No one is perfect, so love them anyways!